


Hot and Cold: Black and White

by PurifiedWaterr_100Percentt



Category: Gintama
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Porn, Bathroom Sex, Blowjobs, Body Part Kinks, Bottom Gintoki, Bottom Hijikata Toshirou, Comedy, Crack, Detailed smut, Drabble Collection, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Smut, Fluff oneshots, Gay Sex, Gintoki is a power top, Gintoki is dominant, Halloween, Halloween Special, Hijikata as a feisty cat, Hijikata is feisty, Hijikata is reduced to a blabbering mess, Kinks, Love Bites, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Marking, Masturbation in Shower, Mirror Sex, Mutual Pining, My First Smut, One Shot Collection, Oneshot, Oral Sex, PROBABLY NOT SPELL CHECKED I APOLOGISE FOR SOME MINOR TYPOS, Parody, Pining, Porn, Porn With Plot, Really detailed smut, Romantic Comedy, Romantic Fluff, Rough Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Semi-Public Sex, Shameless Smut, Shower Sex, Smut, Sorry Not Sorry, Teasing, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Top Gintoki, Top Hijikata, acceptance of feelings, alternating from top to bottom, big dick hijikata, crack done right, gintoki is reduced from smug asshole to squirming, intimate sex, oneshots, smut oneshot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:16:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 35,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27185075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PurifiedWaterr_100Percentt/pseuds/PurifiedWaterr_100Percentt
Summary: “Isn’t that what they say? You know, opposites attract or something.”“What? Who said that?”“I dunno. Probably some ancient philosopher.” Gintoki hummed, fluttering his eyelids open as he reached out his pale arm, his fingertips just barely grazing the contents of the flushed deep blue sky.“What the hell are you spewing? Did you seriously drag me away from my duties cause you wanted to talk to me?” Hijikata hissed, standing up once more as he dusted off excess grass from his thighs.“You act like you don’t enjoy it.”“Shut up.”~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Gintoki Sakata x Hijikata Toshirou Oneshot collection.Previously known as Chocolate Parfait when it was only the singular piece.Requests are open.
Relationships: Hijikata Toshirou & Sakata Gintoki, Hijikata Toshirou/Sakata Gintoki
Comments: 26
Kudos: 134





	1. Chapter 1: Chocolate Parfait (NSFW)

**Author's Note:**

> this oneshot is really really nsfw so if you’re not content with the idea of detailed sex or two men having intercourse then i’m sorry and this fic isn’t for you. it’s a pretty intense one
> 
> also my first smut ever oops.. i really hope it’s okay :/ 
> 
> thank you for choosing this oneshot, happy reading!

The dry, humid and mid-summer day brought about a handful of a slightly chilly breeze. Remnants of allergies lingered with committed sneezing and puffy-eyed individuals. Cicadas chirped their melodious songs like a professional conducted orchestra. Despite Edo’s somewhat dangerous neighbourhoods- no, rather, life-threatening streets; children still ran rampant as their obnoxious laughter pestered the residents around them. Heavy footsteps thudded onto the cracked concrete, leaving no mercy for any potential lifeforms below. The cherry blossoms were in full swing by now, their voluminous and elegant rosy, ashen white petals swayed lightly in the wind. A few stray petals broke off from their original parent, and twirled around in the air in a mesmerising fashion until they hit the ground. Despite all this, the silver-haired samurai sat inside, cooped up, by his lonesome self. His liquid silver wavy hair swayed in the wind as he stared down at his arm. His left arm contained a deep gash, with crimson red spilling outside the graze. Had he not been so occupied with vigorously padding himself with disinfectant, he would have probably heard the resounding knock at the door.

As Gintoki prepared a sanitised, or so he hoped it was, piece of thread to suture his wound back together- a figure appeared at the sliding door. Clad in his arrogant attire, a three-piece tailored jet black police suit, pristine white button-up and a neat, silky white cravat nestled between his collar and pale neck- the jet-black haired male scoffed.

“The hell happened to you? Don’t tell me you kids have been running into all sorts of shit again.” Hijikata sighed, wearing his usual cold, bitter glare as he lightly chewed on the filter of his cigarette. 

“Who are you calling a kid you old geezer? You know I’m only a few months younger than you, right?” Gintoki responded through his teeth as he bit off a section of the thread to stop it from extending further and wasting the material.

“Huh⁈ That’d make you a geezer as well, you inbred hypocrite!” He snapped back, his eyebrows furrowing when he noticed Gintoki start to thread in and out of his wound. With another sigh, Hijikata slumped down onto the coach with his arms outstretched behind him.

“What brings you here, anyway?” The silver-haired male questioned flatly.

“Your godawful bitch of a squeaky girlfriend dragged me here by the wrist saying how someone needed to check up on you or some bullshit like that. What the hell is this⁈ I’m not a babysitter, I’m in the Shingenshumi!” Hajikata declared, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Whoa? Girlfriend? You mean pipsqueak Kagura who doesn’t stop howling down her food? Man, she’s way too young to pass off as my sister, let alone girlfriend.” Gintoki shuddered visibly. 

“Whatever. I feel like one of those gargoyle messenger pigeons who send shit back and forth. Good grief..” 

“She said you haven’t left this place for a good month, and said she would personally beat down Kondo if I didn’t take you somewhere.” He sighed, face-palming.

“I told her I wouldn’t go anywhere until I got my medicine.” Gintoki shrugged, stuffing away his utensils into a draw. When his work was somewhat satisfactory, he leant back in his chair.

“Your medicine? What are you, a drug addict?” Hijikata turned to face him, his eyebrows creased as he pulled his ‘are you shitting me’ gaze. 

“Hay fever medicine.” Gintoki corrected him. 

“Hay fever medicine⁈ At this time of the goddamn year you cretin! Cut the bullshit, you just can’t stand the heat outside!” 

“Who said anything about the temperature outside? Warm temperature is a piece of cake.” 

“Really? How about we go for a walk, then?”

“Why would I go on a walk with you?”

“Shut the hell up. You get free dessert, so stop bitching about it.” Hijikata growled, stuffing his fists into his pockets as he stood up once more. With a small hum and a smirk of amusement plastered on Gintoki’s face, Hijikata’s temper grew fiercer.

“What the hell are you smirking at, permhead?” He gritted his teeth as he began making his way back outside. Gintoki let out another hum of dismissal and followed behind the charcoal-haired man. 

As Hijikata opened the door out of the apartment, the humid, scalding hot blast of a heatwave warmed his face in the most unpleasant way possible. He didn’t necessarily hate sweating, but absolutely loathed when it came about for no sensible reason- such as the weather. It would make sense for him to sweat whilst training, jogging, sword-fighting, but not by just walking around whilst the sun was out. The thought aggravated him, and he reached into his pocket for a lighter. Cupping the cigarette with his left to block any oncoming wind, he watched as the death stick lit ablaze into a pool of fiery red and deep orange.

“Are you sure you want to smoke whilst it’s this hot outside? Won’t that make it warmer around you?” Gintoki teased lightly, scratching the back of his head as he locked the door.

“Shut up. Are you saying you can’t stand an extra few degrees?” 

“Is that your logic? Since it’s hot enough already, might as well add on some more?”

“So what if it is?” 

Gintoki let out a small chuckle at Hijikata’s response. He relished the way the man’s pupil’s slightly dilated in shock at his calm, collected response. It was the little moments of vulnerability that Hijikata would occasionally showcase to Gintoki, and he savoured every little response, every twitch of his refined body, every side glance and double take into the back of his mind that he would replay on a loop like a broken record. With a small sigh heaving from his chest to disrupt his devilish thoughts, Gintoki trained his gaze ahead as they made way to his favourite restaurant. 

“Have you seen Shinpachi and Kagura, anyway? I can’t believe those two would want to go out in this heat.”

“Beats me.” He shrugged and stepped inside the establishment as they came near. Wiping some excess perspiration with the back of his hand, Hijikata let out a low groan as he picked the furthest booth away from the noren* door at an attempt for more shade and circulated air. 

(Noren* - The curtains found on a door on a traditional establishment in Japan. They provide warmth in the winter, and shade in the summer. They come in varying lengths, colours, and may also be used as a form of advertisement.)

Quickly grabbing two menus along the way, Gintoki slumped down into the booth, taking a seat opposite from Hijikata. With a low groan, he fanned himself using his left hand, staring at the menu and flicking through- even though he undoubtedly already knew what he would be ordering. Within a moment’s notice, the waitress speedily made her way over and took their orders. 

Given the fact that the restaurant had not been too busy, the two of them received their orders in no time. For Hijikata, to absolutely no one’s surprise, the man had ordered piping hot yakisoba noodles, though they would have surely gone cold by the time he finished dumping mayonnaise onto his plate. Thanking Hijikata for the food, Gintoki eagerly took a bite of his usual chocolate parfait. 

“Is that even edible anymore?” Gintoki snorted as Hijikata struggled to get the last remnants of the mayonnaise out of the jar. The few waitresses and other staff members stared at Hijikata in horror as the screeching sound of his chopsticks clanged against the glass jar. 

“No, it’s not edible, because there isn’t enough.” He huffed after finally finishing the whole jar. With a dissatisfied look on his face, Gintoki was struck with a brilliant idea.

“Hey, Hijikata.” He began, still staring down at his parfait when he began talking. Hijikata, at an instinct, raised his voice to yell at Gintoki for interrupting him as he opened his second mayonnaise jar, yet quickly fell silent when the silver-haired male’s expression had grown peculiar.

“I’ll give you something to eat.” Gintoki practically purred, his chestnut brown pupils locking with Hijikata’s coal-coloured ones. He watched his expression shift to confusion, and would have never missed in a million years the way he shifted one leg over the other. 

“Here! Try some. I promise it’s great. You won’t need mayonnaise for dessert, right? That’s just disgusting.” He snapped back, acting as though nothing happened, reaching in for a portion of his dessert. Hijikata stared at him, blinking a few times as he began to process what happened. Whilst Gintoki slowly offered the spoon to the Hijikata, his wrist was quickly tugged as Hijikata shot up from his seat. Vigorously shoving the change for the meal, his food untouched, he snatched Gintoki away from his seat and began hurrying out of the restaurant, dragging the man behind him.

“Hijikata! You asshole, what the hell are you doing⁈ I didn’t finish my dessert! What a waste! The poor dessert! I’m so, so sorry! I haven’t abandoned you!” Gintoki cried out as Hijikata stormed off in a frightening speed. He stared at the scenery around him, practically blurred from how fast he was dragging him along. Within absolute seconds, somehow, they had been back at Gintoki’s apartment. 

Without warning, Gintoki was slammed against the wall by the other male. Caging him in completely with his arms on either side, his breathing grew ragged as he glared at him.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” He growled, his pearly teeth audibly gritting against each other. 

“What do you mean?” He inquired, innocently cocking his head slightly to the side at an attempt to further grasp the situation. 

“Cut the bullshit. Why?” Hijikata spat through his teeth.

“Why? I think you know that answer better than I do, to be honest.” Gintoki responded sincerely, taking a small step towards the man, indefinitely closing the space between them. Their noses were but a mere bump away. With a sly smirk, Gintoki ran his right hand over the fabric of Hijikata’s jacket, tugging at it a little. When his breathing hitched from the contact, Gintoki let out a small hum.

“If you were to ask me, I’d almost say you were enjoying this.” Gintoki hummed into the shell of his ear, his voice dripping with an edge that just begged Hijikata to ask him to continue. 

“Shut the fuck up.” Hijikata growled lowly from the bottom of his throat, averting his gaze from anywhere but his captivating, honey brown eyes. Not letting him escape, Gintoki placed his thumb and index finger onto his chin, tilting his gaze back towards him. 

“Don’t hide from me, Toshiro.”

In that instant, their lips crashed together. A low groan emitted from the depths of Hijikata’s throat as he drank up Gintoki as though he would be his last meal, like his life depended on him alone. The sensation of his warm, soft lips that had a lingering taste of dark chocolate almost sent him into overdrive already. The taste of him, how he nibbled on the bottom of Hijikata’s bottom lip was beyond anything Hijikata would have ever imagined. He relished the way Gintoki would lean his head back, and how he instantly dominated the cave of his mouth when he gasped. Their tongues danced together, wrestling and fighting hungrily. Each smack of their lips sent a shot of arousal to each of their cores. Hijikata’s long, sturdy fingers entangled themselves into Gintoki’s silver hair as he hoistered him up, grabbing him by the underside of his thighs. Maintaining their deep kiss throughout, Gintoki carried Hijikata back to his bedroom, where he shoved him down onto the mattress. 

Pulling back for air, a thin, watery bridge of saliva connected between their lips. Even in that instant Hijikata’s expression was priceless. The temperature of his body increased twofold, causing his ink-black locks to cling to his face in disheveled strands. His soft, pink lips parted open, revealing his pearly whites as he panted, his chest rising and falling with each staggered breath as he regained his oxygen. His usual pale, milky skin was contrasted by the deep layer of dusted, ashen rose onto his cheeks. 

“Shit.. Don’t look at me like that.” Gintoki warned, staring down at the man sprawled out onto his bedsheets before him. 

“Is that a challenge? Hijikata croaked out.

“Mm-mm. I’ll change that attitude of yours in a second.” He muttered enticingly, palming the fabric of Hijikata’s shirt. With slow, careful, yet torturous and downright mocking movements, Gintoki undressed the man bit by bit. Starting with his cravat, he made sure that his skin wouldn’t come into contact with him whatsoever. With a pleasant, devilish smirk on his face- he slowly removed his jacket, tossing the fabric aside to the other side of his room. Discarding his black vest effortlessly as though it were a pile of junk, Hijikata was now reduced to his shirt and uniform pants. Little by litte, Gintoki continued to undress him. For now, he would work on his shirt until he had gotten shoved and kicked by Hijikata as a plea for contact. At the excruciating slow pain in which he undone his buttons, Hijikata let out a whine at the elderly speed. As he opened his mouth to complain, his throat ran dry at the contact of Gintoki’s knuckles grazing against the pit of his stomach. With a low yelp from his partner, Gintoki hummed as he traced the outline of each one of Hijikata’s toned muscles on his abdomen. 

“You know, I’m pretty sure every time I saw you outside of your work uniform, your kimono was always much lower than it should’ve been.” Gintoki recalled, almost scolding the man for his actions. 

“Like you didn’t do that either.” He spat back through his clenched teeth, his cells lighting ablaze at the icy hot sensation he received from Gintoki’s touch. Something about the way his careful, calculated palms circulated his chest made him feel weak at the knees, how his skin would feel as though it were literally plasma itself underneath him. He wasn’t sure if it was the summer heat amplifying his senses, or the whole situation itself. Letting out an amused chuckle, Gintoki climbed up over Hijikata, hovering over him as his hand tilted his chin, exposing the side of his pale neck wonderfully. Without warning, Gintoki latched his lips onto the side of his neck, eagerly suckling to form a bruise. The interaction between his warm lips and Hijikata’s skin stung his tongue, giving it a strange fuzzy feeling as he felt the blood capillaries burst beneath. 

“You bastard.. Don’t do that.” Hijikata breathed heavily through a small moan. 

“Mm. Wear a kimono for me tomorrow. I want everyone to see that I’ve claimed you.” Gintoki breathed against the new bruise, which wore a deep shade of crimson red spots given the fact that it was fresh. Before Hijikata would spout nonsense or worse, a protest, Gintoki slid back down to Hijikata’s chest. His finger outlined and traced Hijikata’s strong, prominent collarbones. He set down a small kiss along the structure, and licked along the side of his collar just to rile him up. With a small laugh at how Hijikata clenched the sheets around him, Gintoki moved aside his shirt, slipping it off of his shoulders until he was officially half-naked. He painted the imagine into his head, burning it into his retinas so that he would still envision him at night and when he closed his eyes. He would have never forgotten how toned his arms were, even in that moment, the dip in his hip bone and the seductive, prominent v-line that directed Gintoki further down into his manhood, the structure of his six-pack, and how it slightly glistened due to his perspiration, almost deeming his skin iridescent. 

Gintoki’s dark brown eyes lit in excitement as his gaze flickered to Hijikata’s soft, bright pink nipples. The rosy contrast against his pale skin was enough to make Gintoki drool, a large pool of saliva collecting in his mouth. Swallowing the excess, he wasted no time and let his self-control run like a feral animal just for a moment. He lapped at his buds hungrily, drinking in the encouraging whimpers that left Hijikata’s pretty mouth. As though daring Hijikata to come undone already, Gintoki stared up at him as his slick tongue worked itself around the small bud, circling it, lapping it, and giving him small tugs with his pearly whites. Eyebrows furrowed and jet-black eyes screwed shut, Hijikata let out a strangled plea.

“Fuck.. Touch me. Fucking touch me.” He pleaded through a series of whimpers, his member aching through the constricting fabric of his belt, pants and boxers. His breathing became laboured, his erection practically painful as he couldn’t bare to hang on any more. 

“Don’t worry. I’ll take care of you.” Gintoki hummed, finishing up his last torturous rounds of picking away at Hijikata’s last pieces of self control. Licking his lips to lap up any leftover saliva, he shifted down to tend to Hijikata’s crotch. While his own throbbed uncontrollably, sending an immense amount of blood pounding throughout his body, he aimed to tend to Hijikata first. 

Finally deciding to stop screwing around and screwing with Hijikata to rile him up, he would use another way rather than teasing. All the slow movements and tortured interactions left him breathless, hungry for more, despite the fact that the pain was supposed to be one-sided. Fumbling with Hijikata’s buckle, he tossed it across the room into the general direction of where his other articles of clothing were. The loud clang of metal against the hardwood floor made him wince slightly, though his worries were quickly forgotten. Discarding of his uniform trousers, he pulled down his tight, matte black boxers. His lengthy cock sprung free, quickly hitting against the navel which caused Hijikata to let out a low hiss. His tip was enlarged from the stimulation, flushed pink from the amount of blood pumping throughout. He had a beautiful curve to his member, the sight of a particular lengthy vein on his shaft caused saliva to pool in Gintoki’s mouth once more. Giving him a test lick, Gintoki ran his warm, slick tongue against the underside of his smooth, hung balls to the very tip of his length. Hijikata whimpered, audibly shivering at the sudden stimulation. Satisfied with the response, Gintoki palmed the base of Hijikata’s cock and brought it forward slightly. The upright position allowed him to sink his mouth onto his length fully. Hijikata let out a strangled cry, his right hand grabbing fistfulls of Gintoki’s silver hair at an excruciating pain. Nevertheless, Gintoki hummed against him, adjusting his lips to the length and girth as he sucked in his cheekbones slightly to avoid any accidents. After some seconds of adjustment, Gintoki began pumping his head up and down on his length, making sure to swirl his tongue simultaneously around his tip, working his warm throat at a steady pace. Hijikata’s fingers swirled Gintoki’s strands, and before he could register it- he was already using the samurai’s head as a way to force him to suck him off faster. With a small yelp, Gintoki’s boxers constricted to a dangerous degree as Hijikata began to yank him by his hair, bobbing his head up and down for him. They both let out a hearty moan, sending another dose of arousal throughout them. The excess saliva that poured out of Gintoki’s throat, spilling over Hijikata’s cock coated his lower half with an amusing sheen. Seeing that Hijikata’s breathing took a sudden turn, Gintoki quickly released his mouth from Hijikata’s cock before he could unload his semen into his mouth. The sound left a satisfying pop resonating throughout the room, though did not mask the expression of pure hatred and irritation of Hijikata’s face. 

With a sly wink, Gintoki fumbled around his nightstand for a second.

“Sakata.. Take your clothes off you idiot.” Hijikata called out, his patience running thin. Gintoki hummed with pleasure as he retrieved a small, clear bottle of lubricant from his drawer. Listening to his partner’s request, he quickly threw aside his clothes. The way Hijikata glazed over his features made his heart race, like he was on fire. Hijikata let out an amused chuckle as he watched the twitch in Gintoki’s cock cause his whole length to bounce. 

Squeezing some of the substance onto his index finger, Gintoki slathered the clear lubricant onto Hijikata’s entrance.

“Sakata.. Why does it smell like blueberries?” Hijikata groaned out, slightly adjusting in uncomfort as something cold prodded him.

“Sorry. The label was blue, so I bought it.” He chuckled to himself, slicking his entrance ready.

“You’re such a big child.” 

“Shut up. I’m going in, okay?” Gintoki called out, awaiting Hijikata’s signal. When he gave a small hum, Gintoki slowly pressed his middle finger inside. Leaving only about an inch of his fingertip, he waited for him to adjust. Hijikata winced in pain initially, his left hand scrunching up the bedsheets.

“Fuck. Okay. You can move.” He barked out coarsely after a few minutes. Gintoki listened to his instructions, slipping in the rest of his finger. Hijikata’s eyes shot open, and he let out a low gasp as his back arched. 

“Oh?” Gintoki purred, the cute whimpers he made sent another throb to his dick. 

“Shut up..” He croaked, attempting to form any type of insult, though instantly failing as Gintoki began to pump his finger inside at a steady pace. Within a few thrusts, the audible sounds of Hijikata’s soaked state resounded throughout the room. 

“Toshirou..You can’t be this wet for me already. What’ll happen when I put my cock inside?” Gintoki scolded him, adding in a second finger to scissor him apart.

“Shut the fuck… mmfh.. up.. What the hell- aah!- are you saying?” He gasped out between moans and shivers as his body ran through euphoria. Gintoki drove his fingers so deep inside to the point where his knuckles came into contact with the surrounding skin. Vigorously drilling his fingers inside him, targetting the spongy spot inside- Hijikata practically went blind in the overwhelming amount of pleasure that shot through him. His knees felt weak, limbs heavy, stars sparking the corners of his vision as his prostrate was massaged by Gintoki’s agile fingers. Deeming Hijikata appropriately prepared, he withdrew his fingers from inside of him. A long, thick line of Hijikata’s inner secreted juices connected his two fingers which were incredibly shrivelled and damp from the amount of liquid stored within. 

“Shit.. Fucking look at you, Toshirou. To think the demon Vice Commander was such a whore for my cock. Who would’ve thought? Look at you, pretty boy. Tell me what you want.” Gintoki hummed devilishly, plastering his own cock over Hijikata’s. He gave him a small thrust for some sort of friction, yet kept it at that. His own size was a few inches larger than his, and with slightly more girth. Aside that, both of their sizes were impressive alone. 

“Fuck me.” He whined out, his legs outstretched. 

Gintoki didn’t need to be told again. He quickly slathered his own manhood with some extra lubrication just incase, and aligned himself with Hijikata. With a firm grip on his own length, he slowly pushed his pink, throbbing enlarged tip inside him until he satisfyingly broke through his membrane. Gintoki’s jaw fell slack, and his head tilted up as he groaned over the way Hijikata’s warm, slick walls clenched around him. Giving him time to adjust to his much larger, wider size than his fingers, Gintoki drew soothing circles into the inner portion of Hijikata’s thigh with his hand. When Hijikata gave Gintoki a reassuring squeeze to let him know that he could start moving, Gintoki swiftly placed both of his hands on either sides of Hijikata’s waist as a surface to hold onto. Inching in bit by bit, he filled Hijikata up until his cock bottomed out against him, leaving only his balls against Hijikata. The raven-haired male let out a wanton moan from the depths of his chest, which vibrated with Gintoki’s member inside him. At a loss for words, Hijikata’s brain began to slowly scramble at how full he felt, how Gintoki’s cock filled him up to the brim completely, like his body was made for him. He bit down onto his hand, chomping onto his knuckles as Gintoki began to thrust in and out of him at a steady pace. 

“Let me hear you.” Gintoki panted, his perspiration coating his toned body. Keeping one hand on Hijikata’s waist, he used the other to grab his chin as he kissed him fiercely. Their tongues collided instantly in sloppy, wet kisses which were interrupted by broken moans from both of the men as Gintoki began to drive his cock deeper inside Hijikata. When Gintoki was confident that his partner had become accustomed to his size, he placed both hands back onto his waist and began drilling into Hijikata at an angle so great that it caused him to cry out, his back arching greatly, his ears flooded with white noise- missing out on the delectable sound of Gintoki’s balls slapping directly against him and his sopping, creamy entrance.

“Shit! Mmh, aah- Saka-aaah!-ta! Don’t fucking do that!” Hijikata moaned out, each plunge of his dick sending an all-too familiar warmth in his stomach. Each slam that Gintoki delivered grew more rough, causing Hijikata’s entire body and cock to bounce with every slam that his walls received. As Gintoki continued to ram into his prostrate, Hijikata’s left hand quickly found his own dick, where he began fisting it in time with Gintoki’s thrusts. Hijikata’s balls began to bounce relentlessly, filling the room up with skin slapping against skin.

Noticing how close Hijikata was, Gintoki effortlessly flipped the position over so that he would lay flat on his back. Encasing Hijikata into an embrace with his dick still inside, the raven-haired male rested his head against Gintoki’s shoulder, their chests colliding as Hijikata adjusted his legs on either sides of Gintoki. Their lips quickly found eachother once more, and Gintoki was quick to bend both of his knees up, his palms dangerously digging into Hijikata’s flesh as he began to pound him vigorously, ramming into him upwards. The position caused him to fully penetrate him up and down, and was by far the loudest. Hijikata’s balls slammed against Gintoki’s, causing Hijikata to arch his back up, his head half lifted into the air as his jaw fell slack when Gintoki located his spot again.

“Toshirou..You sound like a fucking girl, if you keep moaning like that, I’m not sure how much longer I can last.” Gintoki panted, his strokes slowly becoming more vigorous and sloppy. Hijikata moaned out his name as the coil in the pits of his stomach unwinded. His voice had become delirious with pleasure, his self-control no longer contained as he moaned repeatedly. As he felt his climax approach, the absolute sight of Hijikata bouncing in time to Gintoki’s thrusts was all it took, how his pretty pink cock with pre-cum leaking down his sides bounced as he used the muscles in his leg to ride Gintoki’s length. It was all it took for Gintoki to witness his utterly fucked up expression. The sheer thought that he was able to bring this on one of the most- no, THE most angriest and aggravated individuals he ever knew was enough to cause his climax to peak. The two of them both rode out their highs, extreme pleasure and arousal washing over them like a flash flood, drowning them in euphoria as their senses became clouded. Hijikata’s cock throbbed a multitude of times before spraying out his thick, milky load onto his toned chest. Gintoki continued to thrust a few times, albeit much more slowly, and pistoned his hips into place as he poured his seed inside Hijikata. With ragged breathing, flushed cheeks, sweat-drenched bodies and their hair clung to their faces, they both collapsed against eachother.

“Looks like your hair really is real, huh?” Hijikata hummed after his high, running his fingertips through Gintoki’s silver hair.

“That won’t stop you from calling me a permhead.” He responded with a small sigh, nestling his face against Hijikata.

“You’re right, you damned bastard.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to follow me on tumblr:] might post updates on fics and my dj oops
> 
> [purifiedwaterr_100Percentt](https://purifiedwaterr-100percentt.tumblr.com/)
> 
> until next time !


	2. Chapter 2: Of Pumpkins And Spirits, Part 1 (SFW)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A oneshot where the Odd Jobs family reunite with the Shinsengumi to celebrate Halloween.
> 
> Split into two parts. Part 1 is SFW with a small introduction to smut at the end, and part 2 will be heavy smut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> decided to split oneshots like this one into two parts so that people can still enjoy the contents without having to read smut straight away
> 
> also a bit easier for me to write without having to spend hours without rest hehe
> 
> happy reading !

The morning mildew had scattered itself in various degrees and layers among the moss coloured grass. Any previous vibrant spring colours had long melted away into mystical, deep shades of fiery blazing reds and tangy oranges. The cherry blossoms had long shed their petals, the remnants now reduced to nothing, save for the last few flaky, dried up and musty brown survivors. The air had a slight chill to it, with a newfound breeze unlike any other. Children ran rampant and wild, and even adults found themselves with excitement coursing throughout their veins. After all, it was the season of the almighty jack-o-lantern. The fierce pumpkin, versatile in many ways. From ranging to an edible product, found in pies, drinks, meals and the alike- to stabbing their flesh and using the carving as a decoration. Now that Gintoki thought about it, they weren’t too versatile as most people made them out to be. Not only that, but they practically were edible for one month out of twelve.

Nevertheless, Halloween was still amazing.

What wasn’t there to like? After all, it was a brilliant and cunning holiday devised especially for Gintoki. Not literally, rather the fact that he would be able to eat handfuls and heaps of sweets without interruption, and without anyone to stare and judge. Not that it stopped him anyway, but it made him feel slightly better inside. However, his thoughts were quickly tossed aside when his once hot running shower water had turned into a blast of jet cold ice. With a loud yelp, the sound of the leaky faucet turning on simultaneously sent his blood pressure through the roof.

“Shinpachi! I told you to wait! Do you seriously want me to freeze in here? If you needed a giant ice cube, why couldn’t you just get Sadaharu for it?” He groaned out, plastering his limbs around himself for additional warmth as he shivered- his teeth audibly chattering. 

“I’m not Shinpachi! It’s me, Kagura! And leave Sadaharu alone, I’ll make an ice cube out of you if I want to!” She shouted back, thrashing something around in the sink.

“What the hell are you doing? Can’t it wait?” He groaned, his tone slowly rising with irritation as he cowered away into the corner of the shower stall at an attempt to run away from the chilly blast of water.

“My iced tea is too iced!” Kagura cried out, causing Gintoki to yank the shower curtain enough for his head to pop through. Inside the sink which was practically overfilling with steaming hot water, a visible jar with a rich, dark liquid contained inside was rolling around in the water bath. From one side, the liquid definitely seemed to look far too icy. Gintoki screwed his eyes shut, emitting a loud groan as he face palmed.

“How the hell did you manage that? What on Earth could you have possibly done to freeze the iced tea? And how did you even afford tea⁈” 

“Sougo-chan brought it ov-”

“Why the hell is Sougo here-”

“What’s taking so long?” Before Gintoki could finish his sentence, hell- no, before he could even blink- said Sougo appeared in the doorway of the bathroom, gripping onto the sliding door enough to peek through. He stared at the water bath with the large iced tea rolling around, and how frantically Kagura was pushing it around to help it melt, and the absolute state Gintoki was in, visibly shivering and groaning as cold water hit his back. 

“Hey. Hijikata-san, there’s some extra mayonnaise in here.” Sougo tilted his head back, calling out from over his shoulder. With that, the sliding door shut and some footsteps shuffling resounded throughout. With his eyebrows furrowed in confusion, Gintoki exchanged glances with Kagura who gave him a light shrug. Before either of them had a chance to speak, the door slammed open once more. 

Inside the doorway was Hijikata, clad in his usual work attire. Sporting his matte black three piece Shinsengumi suit, his unamused gaze wandered to the sink, then back to the shower. As if to double-take the situation to realise that he was not hallucinating, he gazed back over to the shower. From out of the tacky, mint green patterned shower curtain stood Gintoki, his silver wavy hair clinging to his face which had an unhealthy pallor from his low body temperature. His left hand gripped the shower curtain, decorated by evident water droplets, and enough of his torso to peek out underneath. With an audible grit of Hijikata’s teeth, he turned around and whipped Sougo ‘round the back of his head.

“There’s no goddamn mayonnaise here you cretin! What the hell is wrong with you, why would you promise me mayonnaise like that?”

”Isn’t that better than mayo-” “Shut the fuck up!” 

With a slam of the sliding door, Kagura slid the faucet off and grabbed her piping hot jar of tea. Scooping it out like a baby, she hopped out of the bathroom with a spring in her step like nothing happened. Emitting another groan, Gintoki slammed his back against the shower wall as the hot water began to circulate again, thawing the cold blood in his body. 

Inside the usual main living space of the Odd Jobs establishment sat an array of people which Gintoki would have never expected to be sat in one room. Perhaps separately, in their usual places and lives- he would encounter them from time to time, not cooped up and scattered throughout the room like it were Christmas. Ranging from the Shinsengumi who had hoarded the coaches, with Hijikata glaring at anyone who dared to kick him off, to even Otose-san and her strange cat-eared woman with a strange dialect. Seemingly, this whole situation was strange. 

With a small yawn, Gintoki lazily tugged on his clothes and threw a towel over his hair. Drying out the excess moisture and plastering the white, fluffy fabric over him- he entered the main living space and halted his step as he opened the door. Taking a look once, as he was about to close the door once more and retreat into the bathroom until the nightmare ended- he was grabbed by the collar of his yukata by Otae.

“Ow, ow! Hey! What’s the deal? Am I dreaming? Damn, am I hallucinating? Why do I see goblins and freeloaders everywhere? Man, this is the worst.” Gintoki cried out, rubbing his eyes at an attempt for his visitors to go away. 

“Actually, they’re all here for a job. Sorta.” Kagura called out through a bite of her signature snack.

“Even that old hag?” Gintoki sniggered, pointing at Otose.

“Who the hell are you calling an old ha-” “Uh, anyway. We’re here for a request. Kondo-san said he wanted a Halloween party, so we’ve come here.” Yamazaki raised his hand with a half-wave for everyone’s attention as he began explaining.

“Kondo-san? Isn’t he here?”

“We left him outside.” Sougo responded, and at that moment a faint cry could be heard outside the main door. It faintly resembled the words of “Otae-saaaan~”

“Like a true gorilla, then. Well, why are all of you here if the party’s for the Shinsengumi?” Gintoki inquired, side-stepping a sleeping Sadaharu to make way to his desk and chair. 

“Kagura wants to come too!” 

“If Kagura’s going, then so am I! It’s only fair!” Shinpachi declared.

“Okay. Got it. So, the party’s for the Shinsengumi, but everyone being the freeloaders that they are, want to visit as well. Yes?” Gintoki restated the situation. 

“Pretty much.” Yamazaki confirmed with a small sigh. 

“Not that I’m complaining, but why couldn’t you guys do it? Short on manpower or somethin’?” 

“We tried carving a pumpkin but Hijikata kept stabbing the pumpkins aggressively, then we ran out of pumpkins.” Sougo deadpanned, causing Gintoki to fail to contain his laughter.

“Seriously? You mean Oogushi-kun can’t carve a pumpkin?” He snorted, the sheer expression of hatred on Hijikata’s face making the scenario absurd to him. 

“Who the hell are you calling-” “Alright, let’s go then. We won’t get anything done by sitting around here.” Sougo declared, blatantly ignoring Hijikata. As he stood up, the rest of them followed suit to the Shinsengumi residence to set up for Halloween later that evening.

“Oi! Kagura! Be careful, if you carve the pumpkin like that it’ll just collapse. Here, hold the knife like this.” Gintoki warned, snatching the carving utensil from Kagura. When she let out a low whine with a pout, he gave her a scolding glance as he properly gripped the cutting blade, showing her how to use the tool. When the piece of pumpkin he carved fell through with a satisfying clunk, he handed the tool back. Seeing that she was able to somewhat use it without taking her own eye out, he decided to oversee another part of the operation. 

When a putrid smell overcame his nostrils, Gintoki’s eyebrows furrowed as he tried to identify the source. Noticing that a steady steam of smoke arose from the kitchen, he let out a groan and half-jogged over to the kitchen.

Inside, Shinpachi and his sister Otae were visibly arguing over the handling of food. On the stovetop lay a brick of shrivelled up briquette, except it was supposed to be an omelette that his sister had prepared. 

“Gin-san! Thank God, please talk some sense into her! She won’t let me cook!”

“That’s because you’ve been doing all the decorations. Why don’t you let your big sis handle things for a change?”

“For a change⁈ Because it always turns out like this! I should never let you handle anything, let alone something burning and alive‼” 

“Hey, hey. You two, go hang the decorations and lights up. If there’s ingredients, I’ll handle the food.” Gintoki sighed, pushing both of them out of the room before they could protest. 

With a small hum, Gintoki tossed out the poor excuse of an omelette into the trash and prepared some new utensils as he glazed over the ingredients in the fridge. After a moment’s notice of his brain short circuiting, he began chopping and dicing things up finely on the wooden chopping board. Within a few minutes, he was dumping, frying and boiling things into their separate pans and pots simultaneously. From afar, his workstation looked extremely messy and unorganised, but one couldn’t deny the fact that it definitely looked like he knew what he was doing. If it weren’t for his deep concentration, he might’ve heard the door slide open. 

“You can cook?” Hijikata called out, amused as he leaned his body against the doorframe, arms crossed over as he chewed lightly on the filter of his cigarette. 

“Mm? Oh. I wouldn’t be a very good Yorozuya if I didn’t have skills under my belt.” He stagged his reply as he brought a spoonful of sauce up to his lips, blowing on it lightly to taste test it. 

“Want a bite?” Gintoki called out as he stirred the contents of his pot.

“Nah. It’s inedible anyway.”

“I’m sorry, I forgot how much you loathe anything that isn’t dog food.”

“Shut up. Move up, cretin.” 

Slightly confused, Gintoki gave a small shrug as he stepped aside, making room for Hijikata beside him. Figuring that it was probably best to not question his intentions, he continued to cook. From beside him, Hijikata also began to prep things of his own. His jacket and cravat had been removed, leaving him in his vest and uniform trousers. His white button-up had been rolled up halfway to his elbows as he pulled out his own ingredients. Given the fact that he didn’t slather mayonnaise into the recipe at least once, it was evident that at least this time he had been cooking for someone else. Although the two didn’t talk much, not even at all save for some polite offers to pass a whisk or apologising for being in each other’s way as they both tried to use the same tools, the interaction was still pleasant. The silence wasn’t awkward, and each of their presences were enough for both of them. Stuck between wanting more and leaving things as they were, Hijikata continued to work in silence until the party had finally been set up.

Once the pumpkins had been carved, the neon orange DIY string lights and paper cut outs of “spooky” bats and skeletons had been hung up, food had been served and drinks were poured, the party was officially ready. 

Or so they thought.

Through the front door sauntered in four strangely dressed individuals, all of whom were also carrying a hoard of bags. Something about this made Gintoki’s skin crawl.

Kagura had let her usual fiery orange hair down, and was clad in a ridiculous mermaid costume. Rather than using a moderately normal colour combination such as green and red or blue and yellow, she picked out a neon pink tail with a green clam shaped bra. In her free hand, she gripped a conspicuous trident, which looked far too sharp and far too real. Beside her, in an even more ridiculous suit stood Sougo who proudly wore a vivid, deep orange astronaut costume. To the far right, Otose and Catherine wore their usual outfits and looks, which was terrifying and ridiculous in itself.

“What the hell?” Hijikata groaned out, a look of disgust evident on his features. 

“Am I dreaming? Shinpachi, can you pinch me? What is that over there? Is that my sleep paralysis demon?”

“Gin-san, I think we’re both stuck in this dream. I don’t remember my sleep paralysis demon looking that scary, though.”

“Shinpachi! I can’t move! Run while you still can!”

“Come on now, everyone! We got costumes for everyone!” Kagura called out, tossing an array of fabrics towards different individuals. 

“Alright, now. Since we’re all here, and this is the Shinsengumi residence, anyone who does not put their costume on will be subjected to commit seppuku after defying the Shinsengumi.” Sougo mentioned lightly as he, too, threw around costumes.

“Huh⁈ I’ll kill you!” Hijikata yelled out, clutching at his costume so aggressively to the point where it might’ve ripped.

“You can’t kill me if you’re already in the grave, old man.” 

With a loud tut and a scoff from Hijikata, the raven-haired male stormed off to another room, either presumably to change or to storm off and thrash the next room at an attempt to get out of changing into his costume. Low complaints emitted from everyone as they all were practically forced into changing into hideous fabrics. 

“Sougo! You goddamn fucking bastard come here right now and explain this travesty!” Hijikata roared out, causing everyone in the room to silently pray and salute Sougo on his mission to death. 

Using this chance to steal a room to change in, Gintoki locked the bathroom door to prevent any accidents and glanced over at his costume. It wouldn’t have been too bad, except for the fact that it was skin tight. 

It was a normal costume at first glance, and definitely one he would have gone for had it not been so strangely erotic at the same time. In its simplest form, all it was was a black, full body suit with a finely stitched white print of the entire human skeleton and all of its different bones, from the front, side, and back. Basically, it was a skeleton costume that made him feel like a gigolo. 

(t/n, a gigolo is a male prostitute.)

Slipping the costume on, he also slid his usual white waved yukata over the top. Technically, he was wearing the costume and therefore wouldn’t have to commit seppuku. Slipping the yukata on to hide as much of it as he could, he folded the remnants of his past articles of clothing and set it aside where he would definitely forget it later. 

Huddled around the table sat everyone, save for Hijikata and Sougo, with each of their varying strange costumes. It seemed that truly no one had been given a safe pass this Halloween. Even Shinpachi, who had been forced to wear an oversized blue and yellow starred robe with an oversized matching wizard’s hat. Even Yamazaki, who sat chugging fruit punch to forget he was practically dressed like a princess. Even Kondo, who was forced into wearing a women’s size nurse outfit. Even Otae, who was supposed to look like a zombie yet looked like she had been dragged through the entire back garden of Edo and back. Luckily for Otose and Catherine, their costumes had been year-round. 

After a moment’s fuss, the sliding door opened once more to reveal Sougo who looked as though he had barely been holding onto one leg as he stood. Slumping down into the seat beside Kagura, leaving only the seat next to Gintoki free. 

“If any one of you laughs or even mutters as much, you’ll be condemned to seppuku. I mean it!” Hijikata growled from beside the sliding door. When no one responded and he was greeted with silence, he took it as his cue to enter the room. 

Clad in the most exquisite, yet most ridiculous outfit of all, Gintoki blinked a few times to confirm what he was looking at. Hijikata had been dressed in the most absurd, yet feminine outfit known to Edo. Sporting a maid outfit enriched with layers of fluffy ruffles and black and white decorations, even his own skirt and thigh-high socks, something about his appearance made Gintoki feel uneasy. Although he wanted to laugh out, to burst his stomach with laughter, he also felt strongly peculiar about how it made him feel inside. When the man sat down beside him, he used this as an excuse to push the thoughts out of his head. 

“Okay! Now that everyone’s here, maybe we can finally start with the test of courage.” Kondo began, clearing his throat.

“A what now?” Gintoki deadpanned. 

“Kondo-san, with all due respect we all know you won’t last a minute if we do a test of courage.” Otae sighed, adjusting her hair slightly.

“Otae-saaan~! I’ll prove myself to yo-” “Well, whatever. The food’s still too hot, not like we have anything better to do.” Sougo hummed, standing up to dust off the non-existent dust on his knees.

“Good luck, you’ll all need it. Also, danna, don’t think I can’t see how you’re hiding your costume underneath that yukata. Do you want seppuku?” 

(t/n, Sougo calls Gintoki ‘danna’ which simply means boss. He respects that he is the head of the Odd Jobs, so gives him this title instead of using honourifics.)

“Huh? But I’m wearing it, aren’t I?” 

“Seppuku?”

“Fine, fine!” Gintoki groaned, slowly unravelling his yukata as he felt everyone’s gazes shift towards him. 

Slipping off the fabric with a small shiver, Gintoki averted his gaze to the ceiling, subconsciously flexing the muscles in his neck as he gazed up, his adams’ apple prominent. Something about the way the matte black fabric clung to his muscles and the way Hijikata could clearly make out each tense and line on his toned body made his throat run dry. With a small huff, he stormed off towards the general direction of where Sougo was heading. 

“Umm.. How is this a test of courage? We’re just walking around in the dark..” Gintoki groaned with dissatisfaction, his feet dragging along as he walked around the deck.

“Gin-chan! I think I heard a noise!” Kagura cried out, readying her trident.

“Are you sure that’s not just your stomach?” Shinpachi deadpanned, clearly bored. 

Turning the corner, Gintoki heard a small yelp emit from both of his friends. When he whipped his head around, he noted that they had already disappeared. His eyelids rose slightly, and he felt his body freeze. Acting as though nothing happened and that this wasn’t scaring him at all, he began speed walking away and humming happy songs to keep the scary thoughts at bay. 

With each step that he took, he grew more and more paranoid. As he turned the corner, he was greeted by a flash of black and white ruffles.

“Oogushi-kun?” He questioned, cocking his head slightly. In the moonlight, his silver hair shined irresistibly and his pale skin complimented his jet black costume. 

“Who the hell are you calling Oogushi-kun? Are you brain dead?” He spat out, peeking from behind his shoulder,

”Hey. You. Are you seriously scared?” Gintoki snorted, covering up his mouth as he failed to withhold his giggles.

”Fuck off! You’re the one who’s scared?”

”Really? Is that why you’re shaking?”

”It’s cold, dammit!” 

“You’re wearing more layers than I am..”

”Shut u-” As Hijikata prepared his comeback, within a flash the two of them were grabbed by their collars and shoved into the inside of a room. However, the room could hardly be considered one. After all, it was hardly the size of one tatami mat. Instead, it was a closet used for storing cleaning supplies. Emitting a low groan, Gintoki rubbed the back of his head which had hit against a shelf. Trying the door vigorously, Hijikata slammed his fists against it.

”Sougo! You damned bastard! Let me out! I’ll fucking kill you if you leave me with this perm-head!” 

“What’s my hair got to do with it?” 

Emitting a loud groan, Hijikata raised his leg and gave a hard punch to the door. When nothing happened, he let out another groan. 

“Good grief.. On the one day that we have a day off.” Hijikata sighed, sliding down against the wall until he was sat down. The small space between the two didn’t permit much moving and breathing room without them having to collide. Gintoki let out a hum to acknowldge Hijikata’s sentence, although didn’t speak further.

“What? Aren’t you even going to try to get out?”

“What’s the point?” Gintoki slid down against the wall, also sitting down. He outstretched his legs, keeping one bent up to act as a minimal barrier between him and Hijikata. The raven-haired male let out a low scoff.

“I knew you were an idiot, but not one this big. You don’t seem the type to give up so easily,” Hijikata scolded him lightly.

“I didn’t give up. It’s probably my preferred state. Wouldn’t you agree?” Gintoki hummed, causing Hijikata’s face to screw up in confusion.

“What the hell are you spewing?”

“Don’t play dumb, Hijikata-kun.” Gintoki responded, his crimson eyes nothing but a mere speck of black in the dark closet. Even here, Hijikata could feel the intensity of his gaze. 

“Shut up. There’s no point talking about it.” He retorted.

“Why not?”

“Some things are better left unspoken, that’s all.” 

At this, Gintoki let out another hum and straightened himself. Silence filled the space between them.

“If I were to take you here, right now, what would you do?” 

“Call you a fucking idiot.”

“But you wouldn’t say no?” Gintoki chuckled lightly, amused. The hesitation in Hijikata’s breath was all it took for him to lean forwards, their noses dangerously bumping.

“If you have any doubts or self-regrets that you’ll wallow to me about later, now’s the time to say it. There’s no stopping after that.” Gintoki resumed, his hushed voice taunting the shell of Hijikata’s ear. 

“Shut up. You know I’d never doubt you. Not once.” Hijikata snapped back, his voice unusually soft and calm. With that, Gintoki framed the side of Hijikata’s face with his right hand as he leaned in to kiss him. His soft lips faintly tasted of the fruit punch prepared earlier, mixed in with his natural essence. Hijikata let out a soft groan as he tilted his head back further, allowing Gintoki to explore the inside of his mouth. Claiming each of his rightful treasures, Gintoki pulled back to drink in air, lightly panting as his right hand grazed Hijikata’s cheekbone. Emitting a low chuckle, the wavy haired male wasted absolutely no time in undressing Hijikata.

“You know, I think it suits you. The maid costume. You’ve no idea what that thing done to me.” Gintoki whispered as he traced his fingertip down the outline of Hijikata’s neck. 

“Asshole. I knew Sougo picked it out on purpose.” Hijikata huffed, his anger quickly fading away as Gintoki latched himself onto his nipple.

“I’ll be sure to thank him later.” He responded, too busy lapping and curling his tongue around Hijikata’s nipple to rile him up. Using his free hand, he flicked the nub a few times until he felt Hijikata’s whole body twitch in anticipation. Without warning and whilst Gintoki was about to tug his teeth onto Hijikata, he felt him switch positions as Hijikata pressed against him. Despite dominating Hijikata in strength, Gintoki was in no position to deny his affection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a lot more comedy / skits and character dialogue before the smut just so people who dont necessarily always want to read smut can enjoy it before things get steamy  
> also not very good for the notes app i use because it keeps crashing every time i go onto this particular document oop s this is a good reminder to copy and paste your work every now and then incase something like this occurs
> 
> feel free to follow me on tumblr:] might post updates on fics and my dj oops
> 
> [purifiedwaterr_100Percentt](https://purifiedwaterr-100percentt.tumblr.com/)
> 
> hope you enjoyed! until next time ! :)


	3. Chapter 3: Of Pumpkins and Spirits, Part 2 (NSFW)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2: Of Pumpkins and Spirits. Contains heavy smut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here’s part 2! as said in the last chapter for every oneshot like this one which has smut i’ll probably build it up with some fluff and split it into a sfw and nsfw chapter, so here’s the nsfw one hehe 
> 
> had a lot of fun writing this as well. 
> 
> happy reading!

“Whoa there, cowboy. Are you sure you want to jump straight in like that? It’s your first rodeo, isn’t it?” Gintoki hummed, his voice thickly dripping with amusement.

“You better shut up before I change my goddamn mind.” Hijikata snarled through his teeth. Accepting his fate, Gintoki let out a small chuckle. Hijikata palmed the base of Gintoki’s abdomen, pushing him further up against the wall until his toned back let out an audible thud against the hardwood. Hijikata pried his long, pale fingers into the waistband of Gintoki’s boxers. 

“I can’t tell what colour you’re wearing, but I bet it’s hideous.” Hijikata snorted, wriggling the fabric off of his hips. 

“It’s obviously plaid.” Gintoki deadpanned, immediately groaning as his length swung free from the confining fabric of his boxers, emitting a low hiss when his member slapped back against his navel. In the pitch black dark, his senses were increased by twofold. Gintoki found his body temperature increasing drastically. Every touch to him was a mystery, he had no idea where Hijikata would touch him next, if he would even touch him at all. His thoughts were quickly burst when something incredibly warm and slick covered three quarters of his length. Throwing his head back in bliss, Gintoki let out a hearty moan as the stimulation in his body coursed through his veins like electricity. His body felt practically blazing to the touch as he panted lightly. He fumbled around for a while, the void of light deeming him more clumsier than usual until he came into contact with Hijikata’s face. Light tears had welled in the corners of his eyes from attempting to swallow Gintoki whole, causing him to give out an unamused grunt. With his thumb, Gintoki wiped away the excess tears and ran his fingers through the male’s charcoal silky locks.

“Shit.. I wish I could see your expression, Hijikata.” Gintoki groaned out, his fingers intertwined and entangled into his jet black strands. 

“Sucks to be you, then.” He panted out, removing his mouth temporarily from Gintoki as he gasped for air.

“Really? I bet you’re blushing like a schoolgirl right now.” 

“Shut up..” Hijikata hissed, circling his tongue onto the underside of Gintoki’s shaft, causing his whole length to twitch and hit against his navel. As he lightly began sucking on his tip, Gintoki’s eyes shot open as he was hit with a brilliant idea. Shifting up slightly, craning his neck as he used his free hand to snake himself around to Hijikata’s waist. Hijikata let out a low yelp, muffled by the girth of Gintoki’s cock. Tracing his fingertips over Hijikata’s blazing hot body, outlining each crevice and muscle. 

“Oi, bastard, the hell are you doing getting so handsy?” Hijikata snarled as Gintoki’s right hand snaked around to cup Hijikata’s ass. Gintoki let out a low chuckle and delivered a loud spank to his right cheek, causing Hijikata’s back to arch as he let out a groan. Though he couldn’t see it, Gintoki could feel the bounce on Hijikata’s cock as he twitched. As his middle finger prodded against Hijikata’s warm, slightly damp entrance, Hijikata let out another groan. 

“When did you prep yourself?” Gintoki inquired, practically scolding the man.

“I’m surprised you didn’t notice earlier.”

“No wonder you were moaning all over me. That’s rude of you, Hijikata-kun. I think this deserves a punishment, don’t you think?” Gintoki murmured, his voice hardly audible, oozing with arousal.

“Huh⁈ A punishment for what? I’m helping you out you fucking- mmh- aaah! What the- hnngh- hell are you doing⁈” Hijikata moaned out as Gintoki’s agile, slender middle finger sought refuge inside him. Hijikata cried out, his pearly whites gritting audibly with a screech as he withheld his cries of pleasure. His eyes were screwed shut, eyebrows furrowed and lips partly opened to gasp for air as he arched his back, his backside automatically flexed and opened up to Gintoki. With the free hand that Gintoki used to comb through Hijikata’s hair, he yanked a fistful of his strands and forced him back down onto his cock with an audible gulp. Hijikata let out a cry and a huff from the bottom of his throat as Gintoki began to thrust the man by his locks along his whole length.

“Mmf- Asshole! You bastard! nngh- You’re going too fast!” Hijikata cried out, his gag reflex threatening to send him hurling over the edge, nose runny with mucus as tears spilled out of the corners of his charcoal coloured eyes. Hijikata audibly choked all over Gintoki’s cock, evident by the gagging sounds that spilled out of him. Without warning, Gintoki yanked Hijikata off of him, hovering his face just above his tip. Within a few seconds, his tip throbbed before unloading himself all over Hijikata’s face. The hot, thick liquid painted Hijikata like a canvas, sending a mixed feeling of immense lust and irritation throughout him.

“Fuck you. You done that on purpose, didn’t you?” He hissed, carefully swiping his sweat coated locks away from his face, dipping his finger into some of the residue on his face. 

“Come here, now. I’ll make it up to you.” Gintoki sweet talked, pulling his knuckle deep middle finger out of Hijikata. Even in the dark, he felt his liquid oozing out from inbetween his entrance and Gintoki’s finger. Grabbing ahold of Hijikata’s hand, he placed it onto his own and deliberately sucked on his own middle finger which had previously been inside him. He let out a loud pop as he coated his digit with his saliva. 

“What the heck are you doing? That’s so dirty..” Hijikata whimpered, his voice threatening to waver. 

“Mm? That’s not what you really think, is it?” Gintoki teased, his left hand snaking down onto Hijikata’s neglected hot, throbbing cock. Planting a chaste kiss to the back of Hijikata’s hand, he untangled his palm from his and hauled the man up by his waist into his lap. Hijikata let out a low whimper as his length rubbed against Gintoki’s, their chests colliding with heavy pants as they leaned in for another kiss. Gintoki’s palms quickly found themselves on Hijikata’s waist, slowly nearing down to his ass. He spanked the flesh there once more, a loud slap resounding throughout as his palm tingled with a sharp sting. Slinging his right hand back up, Gintoki encased his fist around his own length and Hijikata’s, slowly thrusting upwards to rile him up. Hijikata’s breath audibly hitched and he let out a low whine. As he reached down his own hand in order to relieve some of the tension, Gintoki swatted him away.

“Sakata.. You asshole..” Hijikata panted, his chest heaving as excess perspiration coated his sculpted body. 

“Impatient, are we?” Gintoki purred into Hijikata’s ear, licking along the shell of his ear. The sensation sent a shudder throughout Hijikata. 

“Of course I’m impatient you cretin. I’ve been waiting ever since you started taunting me you stupid perm head.” 

“Taunting? I’ve no idea what you’re on about, Hijikata-kun.” Gintoki plastered his lips onto the side of Hijikata’s neck, wearing a sly smirk as he began lapping the skin there and sucking onto it to form a bruise. 

“By the way, how come you were practically drooling earlier today? When you decided to barge into the bathroom?” Gintoki mused, his free hand twisting and tugging at Hijikata’s swollen nipple as he worked his mark into Hijikata’s neck.

“Sougo put me up to it you fucking bastard! And why was so much of your body showing if you’re in the shower?” 

“So you saw?” He hummed again, causing Hijikata to let out a groan of frustration. Unlatching his lips from his neck, he slid his index and middle finger over the new mark, which was fiery hot to the touch. Satisfied with his mark for now, Gintoki trailed his hands back down to either sides of Hijikata. Lifting him up slightly by his hips, he placed small kisses along his forehead as he warned him. Aligning his swollen tip against Hijikata’s entrance, he slowly pushed in until his head penetrated through his thick membrane. Hijikata let out a loud moan, instantly biting his tongue to calm himself down. Small trickles of blood pricked the inside of his mouth as he adjusted to Gintoki’s large size. His jet black eyes rolled open, scarcely making out the grin on Gintoki’s face as he drew circles into Hijikata’s tailbone. 

“Ready?” Gintoki inquired, drawing his palms flat in a soothing manner along Hijikata’s bare back. Within a few minutes, Hijikata let out a shaky exhale as he adjusted to the sensation of Gintoki dangerously filling him up to the brim. As he shifted side to side, wriggling his hips side to side to get a better grip on his balance, he let out a hum of confirmation. Slowly, Gintoki looped his arms underneath Hijikata’s, embracing him with his hands circled atop Hijikata’s shoulders. Bending his legs up and shifting his weight simultaneously to support Hijikata, Gintoki gave a small test thrust upwards into the man on top of him. As Hijikata yelled out, Gintoki framed the side of Hijikata’s face, dipping a digit into his mouth. Without hesitation, Hijikata coated his limb with his slick tongue, panting heavily.

“Don’t hold it in.” Gintoki scolded, withdrawing his finger to embrace him again. 

“Idiot.. You think I want to? I bet Sougo’s next door with a damn camera to record.” 

“So? Let them hear you. I want them to know how good I make you feel, Toshirou-kun.” Gintoki murmured, slowly giving Hijikata another thrust.

“Geez! If it means you’ll fucking go faster instead of this godawful snail pace then I won’t hold back!” Hijikata groaned out, growing impatient. At this, Gintoki let out an amused chuckle and lifted himself once more into a proper sitting position. With his knees bent upwards, Gintoki began to thrust himself in and out of Hijikata at a steady pace. Hijikata yelped, his wanton moans spilling out of his lips faster than he could utter Gintoki’s name, his whole body and insides scrambling like eggs as Gintoki began massaging his walls at such an inhuman speed, reaching his spongy crevices and sensitive spots better than he had ever been able to by himself. Each thrust and shot into his prostate sent him into a blabbering mess, unable to form any coherent thoughts as his head became cloudy, fogged with absolute static and white noise. The echo of Hijikata’s delirious shameless songs of pleasure were a symphony to Gintoki which encouraged him to slam upwards into Hijikata with otherworldly strength. His balls slightly stung with pain, though the pleasure and arousal overruled the pain as he drilled himself against Hijikata. Even if the closet were soundproof, one would definitely be able to hear Hijikata’s cries, mixed with the concert of skin slapping and Hijikata’s absurdly slick entrance. With every hard plunge of Gintoki’s cock, Hijikata’s prostate began to ooze a thick, milky liquid. Gintoki let out a loud moan at the sensation of something thick and incredibly hot surrounding his cock as he thrusted inside. Milking Hijikata for all he was worth, Gintoki continued to slam into Hijikata’s prostate, moaning out his own songs as Hijikata’s back arched, jaw slack as his pink lips hung open, panting and groaning. A familiar wound up coil in the pits of Hijikata’s abdomen grew irresistibly hot, threatening to unwind at any given moment. He was seconds away from his climax, just on the tip of his tongue. Looping his hands around to Gintoki, he pulled him forward as he dug his nails into his back, delivering sharp scratches into him as his throbbing, slick cock painfully throbbed. A particular vein along his shaft tensed, and his head twitched forward before Hijikata reached his peak. Eyes rolled into the back of his head, nails dangerously dug into Gintoki’s flesh, he felt his whole body flood, a wave of pleasure and euphoria washing over him like a tidal wave. His abdomen clenched, the space in his lungs and chest constricting as Gintoki continued to allow him to ride out his high. With loud pants and continuous moans, Hijikata groaned out as his thick cum unloaded onto his chest.

“Ah-ah. We’re not done yet.” Gintoki panted.

(t/n, ah-ah is a form of scolding. it’s like saying ‘no, no,’ he’s not moaning here.) 

Hijikata whimpered as his vision was filled with sparks, even through his climax Gintoki was still ramming into his prostate. By now, he had drenched his partner with his own milky liquid. Even after reaching his peak, he couldn’t deny the way his member quickly hardened again, immensely throbbing once more.

“Idiot! Aah- mmhf- you’re going too deep! Stop!” He cried out.

“Don’t worry, Toshirou-kun. You’re almost there.” Gintoki hummed, reassuring him as he continued to plunge himself deeper.

“Hhgn- Stop! Bastard- mmmf- aah! Idiot! Perm head!” Hijikata whimpered, digging his nails into Gintoki’s back as Gintoki latched his lips back onto Hijikata’s neck, causing yet another bruise to form. As he latched onto him, biting the skin aggressively and panting, his eyes shot open as he realised his climax was seconds away. With a pause in his thrusts for a second, Hijikata took a sigh of relief only to be thrust upwards with so much force from Gintoki, and in the right spot, that it resulted him in coming undone for the second time. Gintoki groaned out, slamming his hips into a lock as he unloaded himself inside Hijikata. Hijikata continued to cry out as the remaining contents of his semen sprayed out onto his stomach and chest. Within a few seconds, the two of them heaved their chests as air began properly circulating back inside. Slumping against him, Hijikata rested his head against Gintoki’s chest, listening to his thundering heartbeat which threatened to spill out of his body at any given moment. With a small sigh, he unlatched his nails from Gintoki’s back and held him in an embrace. Chuckling quietly, Gintoki returned his embrace and gave him a kiss on his forehead.

“Shit. You’re covered in it. That’s dirty, Hijikata.” Gintoki teased, moving aside a stray strand of jet black hair. Slowly pulling himself out of Hijikata, he felt the contents ooze out of him and onto his leg. They both let out a low groan and a shiver.

“How are we going to clean this up?” Hijikata groaned, his head still nestled against Gintoki. 

“Lick it clean.” Gintoki deadpanned, causing Hijikata to lift his head up. Even in the dark, he knew he was giving him his signature ‘are you shitting me’ glare. Hijikata delivered a loud, audible punch to Gintoki’s head, causing him to yell out in pain. Through the racket, the sliding door slammed open for a few seconds, and in were thrown two towels and a change of close. Stumbling up, Hijikata quickly peeked his head around the door to find Sougo hurrying off along with Kagura. 

“SOUGO, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE, I’LL STAB YOU INTO BITE SIZED PIECES AND SLATHER MAYONNAISE ALL OVER YOUR DEAD CORPSE!” Hijikata roared at the top of his lungs after the two rascals who were already running for their lives. 

“Want to slather mayonnaise all over me? I’ll let you do it for free.” Gintoki purred, giving him a cheeky wink as he ran his index finger over his semi-hard shaft. 

“I’ll take you up on it another time. Come on, I’m hungry as hell.” He groaned, slapping the towel to his sticky body. He let out a huff of dissatisfaction and disgust at how sticky and unclean he felt. Tossing the other towel and his change of clothes to Gintoki, Hijikata wrapped his usual black kimono around himself. As he slid the door open fully, his legs gave out the second he took a step. Luckily for him, Gintoki was already there to soften his fall. Quickly tying his soft grey kimono with one hand around Hijikata’s waist to keep him balanced.

“I can walk! I’m not disabled!”

“Suit yourself.” Gintoki hummed, walking ahead of Hijikata with his hand waved out behind him. He listened to the sounds of Hijikata attempting to walk, his feet thumping against the deck as he struggled to keep himself upright as though he had had one too many drinks.

Gripping the sliding door, Gintoki lightly scratched the back of his head. Thankfully, many people had already left the party, leaving behind only Sougo, Kagura and Shinpachi. Kagura continued to cackle, choking on her food, whilst Shinpachi looked visibly traumatised. 

“Where’s Hijikata-san?” Sougo called out, peeking at the scratch marks on Gintoki’s back as he sat down. 

“Dunno. He said he can walk, but he clearly can’t.” Gintoki shrugged, reaching in for a handful of sweets.

At that moment, Hijikata peeped in through the sliding door. His pale skin was decorated by a multitude of bruises, black hair disheveled as he struggled to walk properly.

“How unfortunate. Hijikata-kun’s chastity has been ruined.” Sougo deadpanned with mock sympathy and shock in his voice.

“Shut up. You’re lucky I can’t walk properly, otherwise your head would’ve been detached from your body already.” Hijikata snarled through his breath, shuffling into the next room to catch a shower.

“What the hell did you do to him⁈ He looks like he got mauled by a bear!” Shinpachi yelled out as soon as Hijikata was out of sight.

“That’s cause he did. It was a real nasty one, you know. Almost died back there.” 

“There’s no way he got mauled by a bear!”

“You just said he did.”

“Seriously, though. Hijikata-kun is a bottom? I mean, we all secretly knew it but-”

“Sougo! I can hear you, you bastard! Don’t make me come there!” 

“Didn’t Danna make you come enough alrea-” 

“Shut up!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> after this chapter i probably won’t be able to update until thursday - sunday because i’ve got some extra curricular classes for french and japanese so i won’t be able to update whilst i’m in school, and unfortunately after that when i actually begin school again i won’t be updating all that often because of exams and revision (i’m in my final year) sorry for the inconvenience, but feel free to check out my other works as well to make up for some of the absence. 
> 
> feel free to follow me on tumblr:] might post updates on fics and my dj oops
> 
> [purifiedwaterr_100Percentt](https://purifiedwaterr-100percentt.tumblr.com/)
> 
> until next time ! :)


	4. Chapter 4: The Wolf and Hare, Part 1 (SFW)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 1 is SFW, but consists angst. A oneshot where Gintoki/Hijikata both wish for something they can’t have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m so sorry in advance for this chapter bby gintoki NOOOOOO this was really sad ;/  
> don’t worry this is part 1 things will probably get better.. i think.. i sorta want it to have a bad ending but im not sure my heart can take it
> 
> as usual, happy reading !

The chilly night sky was filled with an abundance of stars, scattered throughout like a whimsical oil painting one could find at an expensive gallery. The sky was clear, devoid of any ashen clouds which dared to block the mysterious gaze of the moon. Blue tinted moonlight poured down onto the rain stained grass below. The night breeze proved to be quite chilly as it wracked through Gintoki’s bones. Laying down, gazing up at the oddly blinding white moon, he felt his surroundings around him melt into darkness. For a second, he had forgotten why he was there.

The dark.

The shade of black. Known to none, it was his favourite shade. It was his favourite shade, because it reminded Gintoki of him. Those jet-black coloured locks, captivating gaze, strikingly dashing outfit with a matching demeanour. It was all he could have ever wanted, yet could never have. It was something so in reach of him, just at the very skin of his fingertips and at the tip of his tongue, yet somehow hundreds of miles away. He was always right there, in front of him- wandering the streets, yelling at his colleagues or slathering mayonnaise onto his meals. 

So why was he unable to reach out to him? To form an alliance? Was this his atonement for the things he had done in life? 

He felt so weak, yet so strong. A man who had the physical capability of wiping out hundreds, no, thousands, yet couldn’t form any coherent invitation for a new member inside his personal life.

Deep down, he already knew that it was his pride and heart protecting him. Deep down, he hated himself for wishing for something that he could never have. He knew that they could only live separately, not to co-exist with each other. That’s how it always was. Sneaking glances from the sidelines, pretending to not notice how they would each lazily stare at each other, interrupt numerous conversations and thoughts by their daydreaming. All they could do was wish, imagine and hope for the best, yet would never act on it. For once, it was the one thing they had in common.

After all, they were both the hare and the wolf. Stuck in an endless cycle of prey and hunter, they both drowned alive in their emotions. At an attempt to keep himself at bay, even Gintoki turned to the most simplest of solutions. However, to his misfortune, even his pent-up emotions began to overfill, spilling out of the boiling pot. 

With another hearty chug of his cheap sake, Gintoki let out a low exhale from the bottom of his chest. For once, he allowed his emotions to pour through. 

From the very bottom of his heart, he hurt immensely. His heart throbbed and ached, screaming at him to stop, for the agony and misery to stop haunting him. He hated the pangs of jealousy he received with every little touch that landed on the other man, how sick and revolted he felt with himself for feeling this way. He hated how he could still see his goddamn handsome face, burned into his retinas when he closed his eyes to sleep. He couldn’t function properly, most days just barely scraping by as he attempted his very best to climb out of the ditch he had been pushed into. He hated him for it, for giving him that unfriendly glare that he always found so, so attractive. Gintoki hated every last bit of it, his body wracked and barely floating atop the sorrow he was washed in. Taking another pitiful chug of his alcohol, he was stuck. 

Gintoki didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know where to look, what to do. Everything reminded him of Hijikata. From the state he was in, one could’ve easily guessed that they’d at least dated before, but the hard truth opposed that. He hadn’t even had one decent conversation with the man outside his usual work business. Sure, he would have caught him outside of work hours with that tauntingly low kimono showcasing the start of his toned chest, but never more than that. Hijikata didn’t have a reason to visit Gintoki, with their individual lives being so incredibly differed, so it didn’t serve a point to ask either. 

The sound of crunching grass and echoing, thudding footsteps alarmed Gintoki, though his pitiful state didn’t allow him to react appropriately. Instead of turning to check, he continued to stare at the fine line between his inner, shaded arm that covered his eyes and the harsh moonlight pouring out from underneath. He was aware of his breathing, but his situation felt surreal. It was oddly like a dream to him, and he hoped this entire time that he would wake up one day and would stop feeling this way. 

Unluckily for him, though, because an all too familiar voice rang out from a few feet beside him. 

“Ah, it’s you.” Hijikata called out, his signature flick of flame igniting against his cigarette poured out in the open air as he sat down, staring up into the endless abyss above. 

Gintoki felt the all too familiar pang of his heart, the way his stomach lit fire at the sound of his voice. Everything about him made him miserable, and he just wanted to find a way to speak to him. With a small grunt, he sat himself up- albeit with a wobbly demeanour like jelly from the one too many sips of sake that he had. 

As he tensed the muscles in his jaw to give Hijikata a witty remark about his terrible smoking habit, he watched Sougo slide down into the empty patch of grass beside him, handing him another packet of cigarettes. Disappointed and yet not surprised, Gintoki clutched his bottle of sake, standing himself up. His knees threatened to give out at any moment, and it was evident the way he wobbled.

“Whoa, danna, are you alright? Need some help?” Sougo called out, his eyebrows furrowed as he eyed Gintoki’s disoriented state.

“Nah. I’ll be alright, thank you.” Gintoki shrugged him off immediately, lugging his legs forward as he wobbled side to side like a plate of pudding, forcing his way home. 

“Looks like he’ll fall over any minute.” Sougo hummed, watching the silver-haired man disappear off into the horizon as he walked away. 

“Good for him.” Hijikata monotoned, standing up as his cigarette finally finished blazing. He chucked it onto the grass, stomping onto it with a bit more vigour and aggression than necessary. 

“Let’s go, Sougo. I’m tired as fuck.”

At the end of the day, they were both liars. 

“Yamazaki! I asked you for the goddamn paperwork a half hour ago, so where the fuck are they?! I’m growing older by the minute, you know⁈ It’ll be a miracle if I haven’t died of old age by the time you’ve finished!” Hijikata growled out, his gunmetal eyes wracked with bags that heavily hinted at a lack of shuteye. 

“Ah, crap. Sorry, here they are.” Yamazaki apologised in a hushed whisper, handing over his paperwork by the tip of the corner as though he were afraid that Hijikata would scratch his face off. Admittedly, it was a rational assumption.

“Jesus. Is Hijikata-kun on his period today?” Sougo deadpanned, eyeing down Hijikata’s vicious state with slightly squinted eyes as he analysed his every move.

“What’s wrong with him?” Kondo inquired, peeking over Sougo and Yamazaki as they peered into Hijikata’s office, watching him diligently, yet extremely aggressively scrawl across multiple papers at once. The pencil that he was using snapped in half as he pressed too hard down, causing him to practically rip the paper to shreds.

“He’s been like that for a while, but it’s especially bad today..” Yamazaki reminisced, plastering his index and thumb to his chin in thought.

“Actually, he seems to get considerably worse every time we bump into Danna.” Yamazaki concluded, his eyes widening slightly in realisation.

“Is that so?” Sougo hummed, turning to face Yamazaki as they both began to howl with laughter. 

“Oi! You two, shut up! I’m sure that’s not it. Maybe we ran out of mayonnaise, or he’s caught up in some case.” Kondo scolded them firmly, but their laughter resumed. 

“Kondo-san! Can’t you see it? It’s definitely because of Danna!” Yamazaki chuckled, attempting to contain his laughter by plastering his hand over his mouth. 

“We need danna to get Hijikata-kun back to normal by having him fu-” 

“Sougo! I can hear you, you fucking cretins! If you don’t get out of my damn sight in the next millisecond, I will personally behead you and miss on purpose so you can suffer in agony whilst you feel your half-decapitated head as you bleed from the inside out!” 

Fearing for their lives, the three of them ran away at light speed, their feet thundering against the floor as they attempted to escape. 

Slamming the sliding door shut, Hijikata let out a low groan. Turning his back against the door, he let out a choked sigh as he slid down until he sat. A small, strangled cry emitted from the bottom of his chest. Staring down at his palms, his vision became dangerously blurry. All he could see were his beautiful, soft bundles of silver waves that he could drown in without end, his devilish and downright sinful crimson eyes that shot bullets through his heart every single time. 

The last time Hijikata had checked, there was no hole in the ceiling. So why was it raining? Why were small, damp and salty droplets of water appearing on his palms? Reaching up to find the source, it wasn’t until his tears accumulated from the corners of his gunmetal eyes and cascaded down his cheek that he realised he was crying. With a small, choked sob being the only noise he could muster, he folded himself in, hugging his knees as he waited for the sinking feeling in his soul to stop. 

“Gin-san! Come on, you can’t just lay on the couch all day. Here, I even brought you strawberry milk!” Shinpachi scolded Gintoki, removing the JUMP issue he was using to cover his eyes with as he slept. Gintoki let out a low groan, stirring in his sleep.

“Hijikata-kun?” He mumbled, his voice barely audible as his blurred eyes came into focus to a mop of black.

“Oh, it’s you, Shinpachi.” 

“Huh⁈ What do you mean it’s me? Of course it’s me!” Shinpachi groaned, smacking Gintoki lightly around his head. 

“Shit.. My head hurts like hell. What time is it?” Gintoki winced, adjusting to the light in the room.

“It’s 4PM, and you’ve only just woken up!”

“4PM? Where’s Kagura, then? Our TV show’s on in a few minutes.” 

“Kagura-chan’s talking outside with Sougo-san.” 

“Sougo? Why is he here? Am I being arrested for not paying the rent for my whole life?” 

“Shinsengumi! Give it up, criminals. You’re being arrested for not paying rent for your whole life.” Sougo stormed in, his voice booming over the microphone as he monotoned. 

“Seriously?” “Ow, shit. My head.” Gintoki winced, grabbing at his forehead as Sougo’s voice practically rung painfully throughout him. Any second longer, and he was sure that his eardrums would explode. 

“Sorry, my bad.” Sougo apologised immediately, switching off the microphone.

“We’re not actually being arrested, right?” Kagura pointed out, closing the sliding door as she hopped back onto the couch. 

“No. I just used it as an excuse to make it look like I was actually working.” 

“Why are you here, then?” Shinpachi questioned. 

“Actually, it’s a favour. For everyone in the Shinsengumi.”

“A favour? What is it?” Kagura chirped, cocking her head to one side in curiosity. Within a few moments, Sougo dug out a small piece of paper from the inner part of his work uniform. He handed it to Shinpachi, who unrolled the note and skimmed over the contents. It seemed to be a shopping list of some kind.

“It’s Hijikata-kun’s birthday today, but he’s making all of us run our asses off and we don’t have enough time to buy anything for him.” 

“So you want us to go buying birthday gifts, basically?” Gintoki called out, slightly unamused, yet his heart was screaming. 

“Pretty much. Have fun with it.” Sougo quickly dismissed them, instantly leaving before anyone had a chance to question him.

With a loud sigh, Gintoki forced himself to bare his body weight and killing hangover as the three of them made their way out. 

“Shinpachi-chan, what does it say on the note? Is it chocolate or vanilla icing on the cake?” Kagura called out, practically drooling at the array of desserts and pastries that were arranged in a mouthwatering, downright beautiful and whimsical way in the display case.

“Are you sure it doesn’t say mayo instead?” Gintoki monotoned, grabbing a few things from the shelves. 

“Umm. He didn’t specify.”

“Should we get strawberry, then?” Kagura chirped.

“No. The cake has strawberries already, why would you want more strawberries?”

“Hey! Don’t insult strawberries like that!”

“You only say that because you breathe strawberry milk! Kagura-chan, ask the lady just for vanilla, okay? If Hijikata-kun doesn’t like it, tell him we’ll have it.”

“Okaaay! Hello! Missy, could we have that strawberry shortcake with the vanilla please?”

“Would you like to customise it for an extra 200 Yen?” The bakery chef smiled warmly, grabbing the white shortcake.

“Customise it? Can we decorate it⁈” Kagura beamed, staring up at the cake then back at Gintoki for approval.

“No, Kagura. She means to write on it, like happy birthday or something.”

“Let’s get that then!”

“Who should I make it out for?” The lady inquired, grabbing a piping bag filled with milk chocolate.

“Hijikata-kun.” Gintoki responded, watching as the chef beautifully painted on the kanji onto the snow white cake. After the cake was decorated and they bought everything on the list, the three of them made their way to the Shinsengumi residence. 

Coming near to the establishment, Gintoki couldn’t help but feel a pang of his all too familiar nausea and sorrow in the pits of his stomach. At the same time, he felt somewhat hopeful, that perhaps this time would be a turning point for him. Heaving a loud sigh, as he turned to ask Shinpachi to carry a few bags, he found that the two of them had already ran off back home. Realising that it had probably been a setup from the very start, he pushed the thought to the back of his mind and buzzed in.

“Oh, danna! Good, good. Come this way.” Sougo greeted him, visibly exhausted as he opened the sliding door.

“Something tells me I won’t be coming out of here alive by the state you’re in.” 

“I’d think Hijikata-kun would be the one not coming- What?”

“What?”

“Nothing. His office is this way. Good luck, I hope danna has his katana on him. Maybe I’ll lend you my bazooka.” 

“Why the hell would I need your bazooka? I’m just giving him some presents.”

”I’ll be digging your grave! My condolences, soldier!” Yamazaki screeched from the other side of the hall, the sliding door suddenly slamming shut. Lead to the door at the end of the hall, Sougo had disappeared from Gintoki’s sight. With a loud sigh, Gintoki swallowed his pride and rapped onto the sliding door a few times. 

“What?” Hijikata snarled out. 

“I’ve got a delivery for you.” Gintoki called out, causing Hijikata to momentarily hesitate. Shuffling could be heard from inside the room, and he opened the sliding door enough for only him to fit through. 

Hijikata was clad in his usual work attire, save for the fact that his jet black strands were disheveled, his jacket and vest had been discarded leaving him in only a white button-up and jeans. Even his cravat had been disposed, revealing an enticing amount of his neck and collarbones. He wore his signature glare, his liquid silver eyes more fierce than ever. As Gintoki opened his mouth to speak, he found that before he could even blink, Hijikata had already taken the stacks of boxes and bags from him, effectively slamming the door shut afterwards. 

Despite this, despite the fact that Gintoki had warned himself initially to not get his hopes up, something about this situation hit him differently. Something the way how he tried to at least make an attempt with the man, just to get completely shut down pissed him off. He wasn’t usually an angry person, but the way he treated him made his blood boil and curdle. With a small chuckle, his laughter erupting from the depths of his chest sent a shock to Hijikata’s heart, his eyes rising significantly at the sound from the other side of the door. 

Forcing the sliding door open, Gintoki stepped inside, slamming it shut with such force that it practically came off the hinges. Grabbing Hijikata by the collar, Gintoki slammed the man up against the wall, holding him up by a thread as Hijikata glared down at him. 

“What the fuck are you doing?! You stupid perm-headed bastard, put me the fuck down!” He spat out through his teeth, his gunmetal eyes vicious like a feral cat. 

“You know, weren’t you ever taught to be nice to your guests? It’s not very nice to treat someone like that, especially after they went through the trouble of purchasing things for you.” Gintoki drawled, amused at how Hijikata squirmed underneath him. 

“Idiot! No one forced you into it!”

“You might have a point there. Though, let’s face it. At this point, you’re just using excuses to ignore me, aren’t you?” 

“What the fuck are you blabbing about⁈ You’re fucked in the head you stupid cretin! Your damn hair is messing with your intelligence!” 

“Come on, now. Hijikata-kun, we both know there’s no point in hiding it. Why do you stray away from me like I’m poison? You get bored with fucking around and now I’m not good enough for your eyes?” Gintoki hummed, his free hand skimming the side of Hijikata’s neck.

“Shut up! I’ll ignore you if I want to!”

“So you agree to it?” 

“God damn it! You fucking make me want to ignore you! Everything about you pisses me off, dammit! I hate the way you stare at me with your shitty eyes like that, don’t fucking look at me and stop smirking! Why can’t you just leave me alone? We both know that this won’t work! So give it up! Stop chasing something worth absolutely nothing.” Hijikata yelled out, his voice wavering at the last sentence. He averted his gaze from anywhere apart from the man before him.

“Huh⁈ You think I want to feel like this? You selfish fucking asshole! You’re so in your head about everything that you do and you’re so self-centered! Not everything is about you, Hijikata-kun! You think I don’t know what it’s like to be haunted by the fucking image of someone like you? I mean, we’re total opposites! Of course I know it won’t work! But I’m not a coward, Hijikata. At the end of the day, I’d be able to live with myself knowing that at least I tried. That I tried to make it work, and even if it failed and costed me my heart, I would’ve known that I at least felt the happiest during that time. Push me away all you want, but at the end of the day, you’re still lying.” Gintoki snarled out in response, his voice growing more calmer, and more terrifyingly collected by the minute until his last sentence was nothing but a mere whisper. 

“If I were to leave right now, what would you do? After all of that? Gintoki questioned, his crimson eyes locking with Hijikata’s cool, silver ones in a deadly match of fury. 

“Nothing, huh? I guess that’s all it’ll ever be.” Gintoki answered after a moment’s silence. 

Before Hijikata could utter Gintoki’s name, for him to wait, or for him to stay, the man had already taken his leave. All that was left was the resounding sound of the slammed sliding door echoing throughout.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ugh that broke my heart i almost bawled so many times throughout this chapter  
> i’m back for a bit, thank you all for the positive feedback!! it’s so lovely to hear from you guys honestly it’s the highlight of my day, i always grin like an idiot after reading my ao3 inbox  
> next chapter will obviously be smut i may or not be able to fit in the start of another one we’ll see about that
> 
> feedback is always appreciated and remember that requests are open, so if you have any ideas let me know (doesn’t matter how sinful theres plenty smut tags already so it’s not a problem)
> 
> feel free to follow me on tumblr:] might post updates on fics and my dj oops
> 
> [purifiedwaterr_100Percentt](https://purifiedwaterr-100percentt.tumblr.com/)
> 
> until next time !


	5. Chapter 5: The Wolf and Hare, Part 2 (NSFW)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of The Wolf and Hare. Contains h e a v y smut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh wow sorry this one was really a lot trashier and degenerate than usual i’m not sure what happened LOL
> 
> enjoy 11 pages of angst smut because aggressive big dick gintoki makes an appearance y’all
> 
> happy reading!

“Shit.. It’s raining, huh?” Gintoki sighed, his attire and hair becoming more damp by the minute. With every step that he took, he felt his spirits weaken further. Every splash and droplet irritated him further, causing his energy to drain significantly. All he wanted was to wake up, surrounded by his warm bed sheets to find that it was a dream. Heaving another sigh of disappointment, Gintoki stepped back into his rented apartment, soaked and dripping as a large-scaled puddle formed underneath him. 

“Shinpachi! Kagura! I’m back!” Gintoki yelled out, stunned to hear no reply from them. 

Shuffling forward to his desk, he could roughly make out a note sitting on it. Sighing with disgust at his rain saturated clothes, he made it an effort to minimise his steps before getting into the shower. 

On his desk sat a small, paper note. After glazing over the contents, he deduced that Kagura and Shinpachi were staying over at Otae’s place for the night. With a slight shrug and a small sigh, Gintoki quickly snatched a change of clothes and hopped inside the shower at light speed. 

Shivering because of the icy cold water that attacked his back, he leaned his head forward, hanging it down as the water slowly began to thaw, hammering down onto his neck and rolling off of his back. He let out a low whimper, his body visibly shivering- whether it be from the cold temperature or the fact that his soul practically left his body. Letting out a small grunt, he stood himself back up, he splashed over some of the water onto his face, letting it cascade back down below. With his mind stuck in a haze, stirring like clockwork at an attempt to get him out of his predicament, Gintoki hastily began washing the grime and cloudy rain water that accumulated on his body. Throwing on his change of clothes effortlessly, Gintoki allowed his silver hair to gather in a damp mop on his face, the strands still trickling with water.

Sliding the door open, the front door also simultaneously slammed open.

“Shinsengumi! Give it up!” A familiar husky voice rang out. 

“Here to make me commit seppuku?” Gintoki hummed with amusement, grabbing his seat at the desk. Leaning his elbows onto the desk, he intertwined his hands and rested his jaw on them. 

“You stole my emotions, dammit! I won’t allow some bimbo like you to do that!” Hijikata roared out, his stance readied as he eagerly gripped his katana in fury, pointing the dangerously sharp blade towards Gintoki.

(t/n, bimbo in this context refers to ‘poor person’) 

“Stole them? You mean, I made you realise you had them and you don’t like that?”

“Shut up! Why am I getting simpleton maidenly thoughts because of someone like you? Why should I be blushing like a goddamn schoolgirl during my shifts⁈ Huh?!” 

“Seems like a trivial thing to say whilst waving your sword at me. Are you confessing to me, Hijikata-kun?” Gintoki drawled in his familiar dialect. Hijikata hesitated, unsure how to proceed as Gintoki rose from his seat, stopping a step short or two from opposite Hijikata.

“So what if I am?” 

And with that, Gintoki immediately closed the gap between the two. Their lips crashed dangerously in an instant with a thirst so deeply desired for each other that it practically hurt. Their lips danced, ravaging each other like there would be no tomorrow- drinking each other like their life depended on it, like they were oxygen themselves. Hijikata let out a low gasp as Gintoki yanked him back by his hair, opening up his neck and mouth to him further. In that instant, Gintoki devoured the inside of Hijikata’s mouth, claiming him for his own as he began to ravage every crevice of him, remembering his taste for so long that it would still be on the tip of his tongue even after he left. Hijikata let out a low whine as their tongues intertwined with each other, entangled like a ball of yarn. Loud, sloppy kissing noises resounded throughout the room. 

(t/n, try kissing the inside of your arm if you’re curious.) 

Gasping back for air, the two of them panted heavily as oxygen began to flood back into their lungs. A thin, watery line of saliva connected the two, separating them by their flushed pink lips and rosy tinted cheeks. Gintoki let out a low hum, quickly interrupted by Hijikata who yanked him by his silver curls to steal another kiss from him. The motion left Gintoki breathless, his chest and crotch heavy as Hijikata slipped his tongue inside his sweet tasting mouth, battling fiercely with him over dominance. Gintoki let out a hearty chuckle, instantly sweeping Hijikata off of his feet by looping his arms underneath his thighs. Hijikata let out a low yelp and a huff, tangling his limbs around Gintoki, embracing him with his dear life. Throughout their valiant battle, Gintoki effortlessly swiped off the contents on his desk. Pens and books hid the floor with a loud thud, echoing throughout. Right now, he could care less about the racket he made and the state the objects were in. It was a problem for future him, and for now he would focus on ravaging Hijikata like a feral animal. 

Slamming Hjikata’s damp, toned back against the mahogany desk let out a dull thud, followed by a slight hiss from Hijikata. Gintoki fumbled with Hijikata’s white-button up shirt until the buttons came off with a satisfying tear after being freed from their confinements. Hijikata shivered visibly as his pale, milky skin had a clear, damp sheen coating it from his water saturated clothes. Gintoki emitted a low hum, instanly lapping his tongue at a section of Hijikata’s six-pack. It seemed that regular morning training and working for the Shinsengumi had built him beautifully after all. With one hand still gripping onto the underside of Hijikata’s thigh, Gintoki used his spare to twist and teasingly tug at Hijikata’s baby pink left nipple. He let out a low hiss through his clenched teeth, gazing down at the man who licked and sucked marks into his skin. 

“Sakata, come here.” Hijikata choked out, craning his neck upwards as he used his elbow to sit himself half up.

“Mm?” “Oi, you!-” Gintoki yelped, suddenly being flipped over as the positions switched. Hijikata hovered over him, his right hand mere inches from Gintoki’s face as his hot breath practically bounced off of him. Hijikata gave him an amused smirk before slowly sliding downwards until his face came into contact with a tent in his light grey kimono. 

“What the hell are you doi-” Gintoki was interrupted by his own guttural moan as Hijikata enveloped his warm slick mouth around the length of Gintoki’s cock. 

“Sounded like you were about to complain back there.” Hijikata breathed, removing himself from Gintoki’s length with a satisfying pop to speak. 

“Nope. Nope, totally not. Must’ve been your imagination or something.” Gintoki squeaked out, his eyebrows creased and features drowned in arousal as Hijikata slathered his hot, wet tongue along the underside of Gintoki’s curved cock. 

“Yeah, well. My imagination isn’t that great, so naturally this is ten times better.” Hijikata admitted, lightly sucking the tip of Gintoki’s length, hollowing his cheeks as he concentrated on curling and lapping his tongue around the sensitive spot. Gintoki let out a strangled moan, biting down on his knuckles as he moaned out Hijikata’s given name. 

“Oh? So you’ve had fantasies about me then?” Gintoki drawled, his breathing laboured as his release came near. Hijikata let out a small laugh and took in Gintoki’s length once more before responding. 

“Shut up, hypocrite.”

“You know, I thought about fucking your brains out over at Shinsengumi. Thought I’d pound some sense into you earlier, though now I’m disappointed that I didn’t.” Gintoki hummed, his words slowly becoming more minced as he struggled to form coherent thoughts with every stroke that Hijikata’s curled fist gifted him. 

“We wouldn’t have had any privacy anyway.” Hijikata refused, denying the fact that his boxers had suddenly gotten so constricting after hearing Gintoki inform him about his devilish intentions.

“That’s what makes it exciting. Knowing that someone could walk in at any moment.” Gintoki breathed, when all of a sudden he was struck with a brilliant idea. He shot upright, causing Hijikata to withdraw his mouth from him, looking up at him with concern. When he saw the glint in Gintoki’s eyes as though he were in a candy shop, he shot him a glare.

“Sakata! You stupid idiot! We’re not fucking in the Shinsen-”

“Too late! You can’t change my mind, Hijikata-kun. I’ll make it up to you in a second.” Gintoki hummed, plastering his clothes back on and throwing a partially clothed Hijikata over his shoulder as though he were a sack of potatoes.

“Hey! Put me down, asshole! I’m not a sack of potatoes!”

“Sakataaaaaa! Put me down, dammit!” Hijikata roared, squirming about and kicking his feet into Gintoki’s chest as he began to lightly jog over to their residence. 

“Tsssh, Toshirou-kun. You’ll wake everyone up!” 

(t/n, he’s shushing him, a lot like “shhhh” but also scolding him like “tch”) 

“I’m here to return some merchandise!” Gintoki hummed, buzzing in through the front of the Shinsengumi. 

“Just go in, idiot! I left it open!”

“That’s not very safe. What if you got a burglar?” 

“What cretin would invade the Shinsengumi and get out alive?” 

“Me.”

“Shut up.”

Gintoki let out an amused chuckle, wasting no time in picking up where they left off. The sliding door shut with a small slam, and Hijikata was shoved against his now empty desk.

“Oi! You bastard! Be careful, that’s three months worth of paperwork right there!” 

“Later.”

“What later⁈”

“You can yell at me for it later. Also, shut up. You’re causing a racket.”

“You’re the one throwing shit around and slamming doors!” 

“I’m the who what now?” 

“Uhh. Hijikata-kun, are you alright?” Yamazaki called out from the other side of the door. Gintoki almost toppled over attempting to contain his laughter as he watched the fear and shock rise on Hijikata’s face. He slowly ghosted over Hijikata’s work uniform, slipping the belt off and wriggling the fabric away, leaving him only in his light grey boxers. The curve of his cock was prominent throughout even the fabric, and a small wet stain was evident at the tip of his head. Gintoki’s mouth practically drooled at the sight like he was some giant lollipop. 

“I’m fine, Yamazaki.” Hijikata hissed through his teeth, his eyes glaring daggers at Gintoki who only got more and more excited by the second. Digging into the fabric of his kimono, Gintoki grabbed onto a small bottle of lube. It was baby pink in colour, and had small strawberry print-out stickers plastered over the bottle. Gintoki squeezed some of the contents out onto his middle finger, slathering it and coating it generously. The cold, viscous liquid against Hijikata’s entrance sent a shock of electricity burning through his veins, his stomach lighting a wildfire as his cock twitched uncontrollably. Even from that alone, he could feel the leak of pre-cum stream out from his slit and down the sides of his shaft.

“Are you sure? Also, what the heck was that..?” Yamazaki inquired again, voice unsteady as he was unsure whether to proceed or not.

“Mayonnaise. I’m eating mayonnaise, Yamazaki.” Hijikata practically yelled out, his voice thick with irritation as Gintoki slowly pressed his digit inside Hijikata, waiting for him to break through. When his entrance slowly allowed him in, the warm, silky skin wrapped itself around Gintoki’s middle finger. He gradually pressed himself in until his knuckles were deep up against Hijikata’s ass. Hijikata let out a strangled moan which got lost somewhere along the way in his throat. His free hand circled Gintoki’s soft, silver hair, bunching it up and practically pulling it out whilst he bit down onto his own knuckles. 

“Mayonnaise? Uh, alright..” Yamazaki faltered, his footsteps slowly echoing away from down the hallway.

“Shit, that got you fuckin’ leaking didn’t it? Hijikata-kun. To think that you were so against it yet your hips are rutting against my hand.” Gintoki drawled, driving his knuckles into Hijikata as he fingered him with a ‘come here’ motion. Each scrub of his finger bending upwards sent a shock to Hijikata’s entire body so great that he felt as though he would start to throw a fit, foaming out the mouth. As Hijikata let out a full moan, Gintoki clamped his hand down onto his mouth, causing Hijikata to start licking and lapping at his palm with desire. 

“Hmm? Where’s your usual bite gone, Hijikata-kun? I’m surprised you haven’t started to insult me yet or tell me to shut up. Well, that’s alright. I’ll fuck it out of you.” Gintoki purred, licking the shell of Hijikata’s ear as his vigorous agile finger left Gintoki’s entire wrist and arm shaking with the speed it possessed. A particular vein in Gintoki’s arm flexed, showcasing his toned build, causing Hijikata to let out another groan, tilting his head back in bliss- allowing Gintoki to aggressively start biting and licking at the skin on his neck. Hijikata yelled out, breaking a few strands of his silver hair, using his left hand to scratch his nails deep into Gintoki’s flesh. The newfound cuts stung Gintoki, a few so deep that small droplets of blood began to ooze out. The sensation burnt throughout Gintoki, voltage coursing through him as his cock twitched uncomfortably. He relished the stinging sensation that Hijikata gave him, marking him as his own just as much as Gintoki was. 

Withdrawing his finger from Hijikata after Gintoki felt how damp and shrivelled it was, he noticed the thick, viscous white cream that oozed out of him, connecting a long string between his finger and Hijikata’s entrance. Gintoki let out a groan, his eye contact never faltering with Hijikata as he began to suck his own finger, licking it clean from Hijikata’s inner secreted liquids. 

“Don’t fucking look at me like that, Sakata.” Hijikata groaned out, his gaze so captivating. He was compelled, unable to look away as his devilish crimson eyes taunted him. The way his pearly whites contrasted the soft pinks in his mouth, how his wet tongue circled his middle finger, lapping up all the excess liquid. Gintoki gave him his signature smirk as he noted the way Hijikata’s cock trembled. 

“Like what? Like I’m about to devour you? Oh, because I will, Hijikata-kun. You have my word for it, that after this, the only thing you will remember is how I fucked you until you couldn’t walk, until all you could hear, see and smell was me. I’ll haunt you for the rest of your life. I might even break you.” Gintoki hummed, undressing himself from his boxers. His cock sprang free, curved, neglected and flushed pink. It twitched a little when he gazed over at Hijikata, how he was sprawled out over his own desk, his raven haired strands clung to his face, face flushed, legs spread wide open as cream oozed out of him, his own neglected cock throbbing and dancing. 

“Shut up. It’ll take more than that for you to break me.” Hijikata retorted, glazing over Gintoki’s toned body, appreciating him fully. He memorised every crevice, how his broad shoulders showcased his prominent collar bones, the peek of the beginning of his toned chest that would stare at Hijikata every time he wore his black suit and white waved kimono combination. The outline of his defined six-pack, and that godawful absolutely mesmerising v-line which lead further down into his build.

“Like what you see? You might have to start paying for every glance.” Gintoki chuckled, pausing to coat his length with strawberry scented lube. 

“How the hell are you so ripped? All you do is fuck around and eat shit. How aren’t you fat yet?” 

“It’s a family trade secret. I promise you though, I won’t waste it. After all, I’m putting this body to the use right now, aren’t I?” Gintoki drawled, slowly aligning himself with Hijikata’s entrance. Using both of his hands, he looped them underneath Hijikata, spreading his legs open further apart. 

“Nee, Hijikata-kun. Kondo-san’s asking for you right now.” Sougo monotoned from the other side of the door.

(t/n, ‘nee’ here is say/ come on/ hey. ‘hey, hijikata-kun.’ it’s a way to get his attention.)

With a small push, Gintoki easily slid his cock inside Hijikata’s lubricated entrance. Hijikata’s eyes shot open, his head thudding against the desk as his jaw fell slack. Biting down against Gintoki’s palm, he attempted to contain his cries of pleasure as Gintoki filled him up from the inside. His girth and practically monstrous length caused Hijikata’s sense to roll out the window as he bottomed out against him, his prostate just lightly brushing against the curve of his tip.

”What the hell do you want?” Hijikata barked out, tears clouding his vision as Gintoki began to thrust in and out of him at a steady pace. His brain and insides began to scramble as Gintoki rearranged his guts, his erect cock sending hard, rough thrusts into him.

“Oh. Has Danna finally made an appearance?” Sougo deadpanned.

“Shut up!” Hijikata roared, his voice wavering as Gintoki purposefully slammed himself so hard against him causing his entire body and cock to jolt. The sound of his balls slapping against Hijikata’s skin gave Sougo his answer. 

“Alright, Danna. Make sure that he can never eat mayonnaise again. It would be funny if he died during sex.” Sougo monotoned, his footsteps also receding after his investigation. 

“Asshole! You done that on purpose you diabetic- mmh, aaah! Stop! You’re going too deep! It’s too fucking big!”

“Gee, you’re sopping wet down here. You really enjoyed that, huh? I guess Hijikata-kun is kinkier than I expected.” Gintoki hummed, lifting Hijikata by his legs until his ankles rested atop Gintoki’s shoulders. As Hijikata opened his mouth to protest, Gintoki suddenly picked up his pace, pounding into Hijikata at an angle where each thrust of his enlarged cock sent a stinging sensation to Hijikata’s prostate.

“Stop! Aaah- mffh- fuck! Your cock’s too big!” Hijikata cried out, rutting his hips up and down in time with each of Gintoki’s thrusts. He let out loud, delirious wanton moans as Gintoki drilled into him, fucking him so roughly that it sent the tip of his length throbbing and pulsating uncontrollably. In an instant, Gintoki swooped up Hijikata and slammed him roughly against the mahogany desk onto his front. Bending him over, he snatched his wrists and held onto both of them, capturing them near his tailbone as he began to drill into him at an angle. Hijikata cried out, his eyes rolled open and mouth parted as he panted, feeling sweat wrack his body as Gintoki sent thrust after thrust inside him. The sound of skin slapping and Hijikata’s wanton cries filled the Shinsengumi almost religiously.

“Sakata-aaah-aa! You, mmh, idiot! Stop! I need to cum! I’ll cut your goddamn throat if you don’t let me cum!”

“Ah-ah. Impatient, are we?” 

Gintoki let out a low yelp as Hijikata quickly pulled himself off of him, twisting him around and shoving the man until he fell flat against his back on the floor. Confused, Gintoki let out a low hum of concern as his eyebrows were creased. It wasn’t until Hijikata glared at Gintoki, his amusingly flushed and embarrassed features as he climbed on top of him, spreading his legs like a frog as he lowered himself onto Gintoki’s cock. 

“Oh? I think I prefer this side of you, Toshirou-kun.” Gintoki hummed, amused as he watched Hijikata take his own cock in once more. 

Emitting a loud moan, Hijikata began to ride Gintoki, the muscles in his toned thighs prominent and flexing as he slid himself up and down, his pace slowly increasing by the second. Each thrust allowed him more of Gintoki’s length until all that was left were the base of his hung balls. Gintoki let out a guttural moan, wrapping his arms around Hijikata as they both drew in for a kiss. Hijikata continued to bounce, the sounds of his own balls slapping against his body as his length throbbed, jolting and bouncing in time with each jump of his steady thighs. 

“Goddamn slut. You really love riding my cock, huh? You might as well be a girl at this point.” Gintoki groaned out, groping the sides of Hijikata’s ass before he delivered a sharp slap to his cheeks. Hijikata’s back arched with a hiss emitting from his lips as he felt a familiar coil of warmth begin to unwind in his stomach. He felt the radiation emit, the warmth emit from within like a pot of cold water beginning to boil. He groaned out, his head fell back to the point where his neck might’ve as well detached. With Gintoki’s name hanging on his lips by a thread, he felt his entire vision blur and cloud him in dizzy hues of white. Moaning out Gintoki’s given name, Hijikata groaned out, his entire body shaking as he came undone, his thick cloudy seed unloading onto his toned abdomen in thick, numerous strands. His entire mind and body stuck in eternal bliss, Gintoki gripped onto Hijikata; vigorously thrusting up into him to help him ride out his high. Simultaneously, Gintoki gripped onto Hijikata’s shoulders with bone crushing strength as his own coil began to unwind. Giving him a few final thrusts, he locked his hips in place as he began to unload himself inside. 

Coated in their perspiration, the two of them slumped against eachother, limbs entangled like wired headphones. Gintoki let out a pant, his chest heaving sighs as he quietly murmured apologies to Hijikata before pulling himself out of him. Hijikata let out an audible shiver at the missing warmth from inside him, and curled up instantly against Gintoki. 

Somewhere along the way whilst Hijikata had fallen asleep, Gintoki noticed the conveniently placed futon in the corner of his office. Making a mental note to thank Sougo later, he snatched it with the length of his arm, shifting so that it could at least be used as a blanket. It wasn’t too comfortable, but was far better than sleeping out in the open with nothing to cover either of them. Gintoki let out a hum of content, nestling his chin atop Hijikata’s jet black curls, inhaling his natural scent as his body was slowly swayed to sleep. 

The sound of creaking floorboards and weight shifting caused Gintoki to stir in his sleep. Reaching out for the warmth beside him, he felt alarmed at the fact that he could no longer sense it. Jolting himself awake from his slumber, he reached out to the space beside him, yet no one was there. He slumped against himself, a strange heavy feeling settling into his heart. 

Scratching the back of his head and stretching his limbs until the excess air between his joints let out a satisfying pop. Heaving a small sigh, he couldn’t deny that the ache in his entire body meant that it wasn’t a dream.

Sliding the door open, he left it open enough for his head and torso to peek out. Opposite him, Sougo sat across the wall, sat down and eating breakfast.

“Where’s the Vice Commander?” Gintoki questioned, his voice undeniably disappointed yet not shocked. 

“Relax, danna. He told me to wait here to tell you that he went to take a shower. That’s all.”

“Couldn’t he have told me?”

“How can he tell you in the shower?”

“True.”

“Why does Hijikata-kun smell like strawberries- Oh. You’re up! Morning, danna. That’s probably why then.” Yamazaki hummed, dragging along his mundane questioning and quickly realised the situation when he noticed Gintoki’s quite half naked state from how his torso peeked out from the door. 

“Out the way, idiots. Stop pestering him.” Hijikata called out, the ends of his head saturated with water which slightly dripped down the side of his face. He had an obvious limp in his gait.

“You, diabetic idiot. Why aren’t you wearing anything?”

“I didn’t hear him complain about that last nigh-”

“Sougo!”

“You’re right, all I could hear was their moa-” (Yamazaki)

“Out!” Hijikata roared, slamming the sliding door shut as he stepped back in. Gintoki leaned against the doorframe, giving Hijikata an enticing wink. As Hijikata’s glare formed, Gintoki quickly enveloped him into an embrace. Confused, Hijikata’s features softened as he hesitated for a while, before returning the favour.

“Sorry. I thought you left.” 

“Left? What are you, a stray cat? I went to take a shower.”

“Seemed like you ditched me, that was a bit rude of you.” 

“Huh⁈ As if! I’d punch you if you ever got out of my sight.”

“Is this another confession?” 

“Shut up, you idiot.”

“Maybe. I’m your idiot though, right?” 

“Yeah. You are, you stupid diabetic.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whew ok that was literally straight dirt BSHBFJEHF
> 
> the smut was kinda split into two? like it had two locations but eh i tried my hand at something new i think it turned out alright  
> the thing that i love about gintama is that because the series is known for being so random no one questions it anymore. sougo walking around with a giant bazooka? when is he not? gintoki strolling in with a topless hijikata over his shirt? makes sense  
> hijikata eating bottles of mayonnaise? definitely
> 
> i was thinking of writing a prompt where hiji catches a cold but he gets kitty ears and a tail or an au based on those skits where gintoki is a homeroom teacher and everyone else are the students so that would be really cool, we’ll see!
> 
> hope this chapter wasn’t too bad, feedback is always appreciated and requests are open xoxo
> 
> feel free to follow me on tumblr:] might post updates on fics and my dj oops
> 
> [purifiedwaterr_100Percentt](https://purifiedwaterr-100percentt.tumblr.com/)
> 
> until next time !


	6. Chapter 6: All Of My Nine Lives With You (SFW)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Oneshot where Hijikata gets sick, and after purchasing shady medicine from the supermarket leads to a quite literal feline Hijikata.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one was so fun to write!  
> so.. this ended up being 14 pages long basically full of crack? i’m not sure if i’ll leave this oneshot as is or make a new chapter sometime in the future featuring more of hijikata with cat ears so we’ll see,
> 
> happy reading!

White.

The colour of innocence, a shade which had not been infiltrated or stained in any unforgivable way. It was a shade that was supposed to resemble peace and tranquility, like gooey chocolate cookies and ice cold milk, or the scent of freshly washed laundry on a hot, summer’s day. It was a colour that held the most emotions, yet none at all. 

So why was it that Hijikata felt so utterly pissed off when staring at said colour? 

His eyes burned holes into the ceiling, his gaze never faltering as his eyelids felt extremely heavy. In an instant, as he wished for the sweet release of death, his brain cooked up a stir resulting what seemed to be an apparition. Just for a second, he could see silver. The liquid colour of silver, instantly causing him to picture bundles of soft, wavy hair that he could slide his fingers into any day. 

“Sakata-kun..” He mumbled out, his voice unusually hushed and collected.

With a small huff, Hijikata rolled his eyes back open, forcing himself to lay on his side as his body weight significantly increased twofold. Icy hot blood circulated through his veins like wildfire, causing a cold sweat to wrack his entire body. His breathing became slightly laboured as keeping his eyelids opened proved to be a difficult task. Groaning, he shielded his eyes from the harsh light pouring in through the sliding door.

“Geez.. What the hell am I doing mumbling that idiot’s name at an hour like this?” He groaned out, plastering his eyes shut once more with a heaved sigh. 

“Hijikata-san, are you alright?” Yamazaki called out from beside him, his voice nothing but a mere whisper. 

“Maybe he’s finally gone insane.” Sougo let out a small sigh, kneeling down beside Hijikata’s sprawled out body on his futon. Sougo unclamped his hand from his katana, using the back of his right hand to shove away some of Hijikata’s charcoal coloured strands to feel the temperature on his forehead. He was practically burning alive with how hot and blazing he was to the touch.

“He’s burning up. Now’s our chance. Yamazaki-san, grab the door.” Sougo demanded, unsheathing his katana at once. The clang of metal sliding out against metal left a satisfying ring which resounded throughout the room. 

“Oi, you bastard. I can still hear you, you know.” Hijikata groaned out, his usual bite and bitter tone completely drained from his husky voice as he racked up the energy to breathe alone. 

“So? What’s hearing going to do if you can’t fight your assailant?” 

“Shut up. Don’t make me slit your throat open.”

“How are you going to do that?”

“Alright, you two. Sougo, let’s see if we can grab anything at the store.” Yamazaki interrupted their quarrel, dragging Sougo by his wrist, forcing him away from anyone else but Hijikata, who currently laid on his futon with his limbs sprawled out as he coughed up his intestines. 

“Gin-chan! I want this one! Pleaaaaaaseeeee~” Kagura cried out, clinging to the bottom of Gintoki’s polished leather black boot. She pouted, an evident stream of tears painting her pale cheeks as she bawled, making grabby hands at the shelf closest to her.

“Oi, Shinpachi. Get this brat off of me.” Gintoki monotoned, lightly shrugging off Kagura with a small shake of his foot. When she didn’t give up, he let out a low groan.

“Kagura-chan! You can’t just hold onto Gin-san like that! We’re in the middle of a store! We’re not at home!” Shinpachi scolded her, yanking her up by the hem of her China dress. She let out a low yelp, clawing her arms mid air as she whacked Shinpachi square in his nose. 

“What the hell did you punch me for⁈ I’m just trying to go home!” Shinpachi yelled out, clutching at his now bleeding nose with fury lit in his eyes. 

“I want the pickled seaweed! No, not that one! The one to the right of it!” 

“Why do you want this one? You always get the one with the red packaging.” Gintoki groaned, grabbing a strawberry milk carton from the aisle as Kagura continued to pout, stomping the floor as she let out her mini tantrum.

“Oh, danna. Nice to see you here, China-girl.” 

“Creep!” Kagura retorted.

“Ah, so the freeloader is able to speak when she’s not insulting me or asking for food. I’m not sure which one I prefer.” Sougo monotoned, side-stepping Yamazaki as he yanked out his katana.

“You won’t prefer either in a second, because you won’t be alive to hear it!” 

“Oi. Stop that, you two. It’s too warm out to be messing around.” Gintoki reprimanded, dragging Kagura by the strands of her strawberry red hair. Sougo let out a low hum, sheathing his katana. 

“We were just playing! You didn’t have to interrupt us, Gin-chan!” Kagura wailed, crossing her arms as she sneakily grabbed a packet of pickled seaweed from the shelf.

“How is it playing if you were going to be beheaded?!” Shinpachi groaned out, his white sleeves stained from blotting his nosebleed. 

“That’s the point.” Sougo stated blankly.

“Well, whatever. How come you guys are here anyway?” Gintoki inquired as he brought his collected items to the cashier. He began to unload his stacks of strawberry milk cartons from the basket, setting them aside on the makeshift concrete counter. 

“Hijikata-san’s sick. He’s got a cold, somehow. I hope it’s food poisoning.” Sougo hummed, a slight hopeful edge to his voice as he scanned the different medicine solutions behind the counter. 

“Seriously? He’s got a cold and it’s this hot outside? We’re in the double digits, aren’t we? Are you sure he just doesn’t have allergies? Really, man. What an idiot. A cold during summer?” Gintoki visibly shivered as he tried to imagine the fear and absolute horror of having a cold during such unfavourable conditions.

“So much for humanity’s strongest.” Yamazaki muttered, his voice dejected. 

“Humanity’s strongest? He’s far too tall, and I don’t see his green cape..” Shinpachi hummed, quickly shutting himself up when he saw everyone around him simultaneously turn to stare at him in concern.

(t/n, a direct reference to levi from attack on titan, who is dubbed as humanity’s strongest.) 

“Umm, excuse me. Do you have any medicine for a common cold?” Sougo called out as a cashier clerk emitted from the depths of their staff room, seemingly returning from their break. For a second, Sougo didn’t and would have never ignored the slight glint in the man’s eye behind the counter, how the corners of his mouth slightly twitched in anticipation. 

“Here. It’s quite a strange bug, going around during this time. My old friend’s daughter has one now, peculiar isn’t it?” He hummed out, digging for something in-between the dozens of articulately stacked bottles. After a moment’s notice, he pulled out a regular, old looking bottle of medicine. Sougo’s eyebrows slowly uncreased as he studied the small container, his eyes analysing the glass. Letting out a slight shrug, he dug for the wallet in his pocket. 

“Alright, we’ll take it.” He slapped down the change onto the counter, snatching the bottle as he and Yamazaki made their exit.

“Those guys are weird. Don’t grow up to join the Shinsengumi. Geez. A cold in the summer.” Gintoki shivered again, gathering his grocery bags into one hand as he walked Shinpachi and Kagura home. 

“We’re back!” Yamazaki called out, sliding the door open. 

“Kondo-san, has he died yet? Maybe I should get the fire started for his ashes.” Sougo called out, disappointed when he was greeted by Hijikata’s pitiful state. Although he was alive, he was just barely scraping by with the condition he was in. Letting out laboured pants, he groaned at the sight of Sougo’s face. 

“Ugh. Not even mayonnaise slathered all over your face will make me stop hating it.”

“Unfortunate. There’s nothing left for you to fix your’s either. I’m not sure if plastic surgery would be worthwhile at this point.” 

As Hijikata let out a bitter laugh, Sougo scooped out the glass of medication from within his jacket pocket. He unscrewed the cap, taking a small whiff before glancing at the label.

“Open up. Says here to take it all at once.” Sougo stated, allowing Yamazaki to haul Hijikata up into a sitting position so that he wouldn’t drown in the liquid. He poured down the semi-runny and purple tinted liquid down his throat. With a big gulp, Hijikata’s face quickly turned blank. Within seconds, the man literally fell asleep.

“Well, that’ll be the poison taking effect. I thought it smelled like almonds after all. Good work everyone, I’ll start the fire up.”

“Poison⁈”

“Can I see the bottle?” Kondo called out, catching the now empty small glass jar in his hands. Holding it by the bottom, he glanced over at the label.

“Sougo. It says do not take all at once..” Kondo drawled, his voice slow as he stared at Hijikata and then at the bottle, then back.

“Really? I think my thumb was covering it.” Sougo reminisced, then gave a small shrug before leaving. Yamazaki let out a loud sigh, physically looking as though he were about to faint as Kondo began checking each of Hijikata’s pressure points for a pulse. 

Meanwhile, at the Yorozuya.. 

“Uh-uh! Shinpachi will not get the remote! I am it’s rightful owner!” 

“How⁈ You didn’t even buy it! Gin-san did!”

“Actually, I didn’t either. Old hag downstairs did.”

“See⁈ That makes it mine!”

“How⁈”

“Because I’m the youngest, that’s how it works!”

“No? Usually it’s the oldest!” 

“Then why should I give it to you if you’re older? You’ll just die in your grave first!” 

“I’m not that much older than you!”

Through their argument, a barely audible small knock could be heard at the door. Turning their heads to look at each other , all three of them looked visibly confused at the strange sound. Shinpachi pushed his glasses up, making his way to the door. 

“Hello? Anyone there?” He called out, his expression tripled in confusion when no one could be seen. Looking around through the sliding door with his head peeking out, he felt how something warm, fuzzy and fluffy brushed against his leg. Letting out a loud yelp, he stared down at a ball of black and white fur. Before him sat a tuxedo cat, with rich, soft layers of fluffy fur staring up at him with odd gunmetal eyes. He felt like he’d seen them somewhere before.

“Shinpachi, who is it?” Gintoki called out, uncrossing his legs as he adjusted on the sofa- grabbing hold of the remote before anyone noticed. 

“Gin-san, it’s a stray cat. It doesn’t have a tag or a pierced ear. It’s just here.” 

“Huh? A stray cat? What are we, an animal shelter?” Gintoki questioned, his voice high in disbelief. Standing up, he made way to the front door to check out the supposed phenomenon. Peeking over Shinpachi’s shoulder, he stared down at the cat. 

“Shinpachi, don’t you think there’s something wrong with it? It feels like I’ve seen it somewhere before.” Gintoki drawled, trying to put the pieces together. Kagura who became interested too, hopped out of her seat and kneeled down before the cat, staring at it as well to try figure out the puzzle. 

“Oh! Here!” Kagura exclaimed, digging out a leftover white lollipop stick that she kept hoarded. She stuck the stick in the cat’s mouth to give it the impression as though it were smoking. 

“That’s just confusing. Kagura-chan, what the heck was that? Cats don’t smoke.” Shinpachi face palmed.

“I thought it would help.”

“Well, what are we doing with it?” Shinpachi questioned, staring down at the silver-eyed tuxedo. 

“We can’t just leave it! It’ll probably get eaten as a snack.” Kagura cried out, encasing the cat in an embrace. The cat quickly let out a hiss, clawing at Kagura’s arm. 

“Fine, whatever. Just don’t let Sadaharu step on it or mistake it for his food.” Gintoki drawled, making his way back to his spot on the sofa. As the sliding door slammed shut, the cat let out a small mewl as it ran inside. 

Gintoki slumped back down into his sofa, his arm outstretched behind him as he crossed one leg over the other. Switching the channel to the weather report even though he already knew the forecast, he lazily watched in his peripherals as Shinpachi and Kagura argued over the cat.

“Here, neko neko! Come sit in your mother’s lap!” Kagura chimed, grabbing the cat by its’ soft belly, placing it down onto the sofa. The cat stared back at her, unamused.

(t/n, neko simply means cat / kitty.)

“Kagura! You can’t just choose who the cat sits with! They have free will, you know?” Shinpachi reprimanded, dragging the cat away from Kagura. The tuxedo cat let out a low mewl and licked its paw, clearly not bothered for the conversation more than Gintoki was. 

As Kagura attempted to snatch the cat back, it let out a loud hiss with its’ entire body stiff with an arch as it warned Kagura to keep her hands off. As the two of them continued to argue about ‘who set the cat off’ the feline quickly jumped over the sofa, padding its way over to Gintoki. With his eyes glued onto the tv out of sheer boredom, he began flicking through the channels when he felt a wad of fur brush up against his arm. 

“Oh? Are you tired of those two idiots as well?” Gintoki drawled, uncrossing his legs as he glanced down at the feline. Something about his gunmetal coloured eyes made Gintoki’s stomach feel strange. As Gintoki redirected his attention to the tv, he felt a soft padded paw hit the fabric of his kimono. Glancing back down, he watched dumbfounded as the cat had one of its’ paws pressed into his thigh. The squishy, warm muscle underneath the feline’s padded feet caused him to press into the spot again, feeling around and kneading his scent into the man.

“Oi, oi. Are you trying to cop a feel? If you want to sit, just come here you idiot. What a frivolous cat.” Gintoki sighed, patting his lap with his free hand. With curious, dilated eyes the cat paused for a second. Gintoki nodded once as though to confirm what he said. Carefully and slowly, the feline hopped onto the man one limb at a time, as though it were afraid that he would dematerialise. When all its’ paws fit snugly onto Gintoki’s lap, the cat stretched generously, letting out a loud yawn until its’ teeth chomped. Curling up into his lap as a ball of black and white, the cat glanced up once more at Gintoki as it slowly faded away into unconsciousness; absorbed by the heat that emitted from Gintoki’s warm body. 

“Pardon the intrusion.” Yamazaki called out, sliding the door open. 

“Hm? Why are you guys here? Aren’t you supposed to be working?” Gintoki called out from over his shoulder. 

“We’re out on a job actually.”

Gintoki felt the slight twitch in the cat’s body below him. His eyebrows lifted slightly. 

“We’re looking for Hijikata-san.” Sougo stated simply, scanning the room for any signs of him. When his eyes landed upon the cat on Gintoki’s lap, Sougo hesitated and exchanged glances with Yamazaki and Kondo. 

“Danna, what’s with the cat?” Sougo hummed, taking a few steps to analyse the feline. 

“Dunno. Want it? Showed up on our doorstep 10 minutes ago.” 

“Can I see it a sec?” 

“Sure. Careful.” Gintoki scooped up the cat, passing it over to Sougo. The tuxedo cat let out a hiss of discontent, clawing and thrashing around at an attempt to seek refuge back in Gintoki’s lap. 

“Well, we might as well give it a shot. It’s our best chance.” Kondo scratched the back of his head, digging into his pocket.

“Huh? Give what a shot?” Gintoki called out over the sound of Kagura and Shinpachi still arguing. 

“We think that Hijikata-san turned into a cat.”

“Seriously? A cat? A man, a full human turned into a cat?” Gintoki snorted, pointing at the waving feline in Sougo’s arms. Through his fit of laughter, the cat jumped out of Sougo’s arms and scrambled back onto Gintoki’s lap, nestling himself against him. 

“That’s Hijikata-san, alright.” Yamazaki sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“No, no. There’s no way this cute kitty is some retarded mayonnaise eating freak, right? Seriously?” Gintoki hummed, his voice wavering as concern and doubts filled him. 

“Who knows. I was secretly hoping that Hijikata was poisoned and his body evaporated.” 

“Secretly⁈ That’s not secret, Sougo!” 

“Well, whatever. Here, danna. If you make him drink this, then we’ll see if it’s Hijikata or not. If it’s an actual cat, then it shouldn’t die.” 

“Shouldn’t?” Gintoki yelped, catching the medication with his free hand. He sighed, sitting up slightly as he untied his kimono from his suit. When his white waved kimono fell off easily, he wrapped it around the feline incase it really did turn out to be Hijikata. Lifting the cat’s chin up carefully, Gintoki plastered his index and thumb over the cat to keep it in place.

“Open up, Neko-chan.” Gintoki hummed with amusement, easily flicking off the cap of the medicine bottle. The cat hesitated for a while, gunmetal eyes scanning the room at an attempt to escape. Gintoki clutched the cat, keep it in place with his free hand as he poured the murky coloured liquid into the cat’s mouth. 

A bright flash occurred throughout the room, rendering everyone inside practically blind. Within a few seconds, Gintoki felt a large amount of pressure weigh upon his lower half, almost crushing his bones with teeth-gritting strength. He let out a yelp, cursing at the pain as he stared down below him. 

A half naked, pale Hijikata laid sprawled out below him, his head hanging and resting onto the sofa whilst the middle of his torso lay balanced on Gintoki’s lap, leaving his legs dangling on the couch. He was half naked, with a partial amount of his pale, toned abdomen tensing in the limelight while the rest was covered in Gintoki’s signature white waved kimono. His pallor was disturbed by the evident streaks of rosy tint flushed across his cheeks as he panted lightly, his entire body clearly wracked with sweat due to how his silky strands of ink black hair clung to his face. As though almost comically, the male also had two triangles poked up at either side of his head. Upon further inspection, Gintoki deduced that in fact, they were cat ears. Jet black to match his hair, with white splashes at the ends, contrasting the pink tint in the inner side of his feline ears. Even now, he was still a tuxedo cat. 

“C-C-Cat ears! He’s got cat ears!” Gintoki roared out, his laughter spilling out of his mouth at an inhumane speed. He sputtered like a faulty car engine, cackling as everyone stared at how Hijikata laid across Gintoki.

“Jesus christ! He wasn’t supposed to get cat ears! Okita-san!” Yamazaki screeched, eyes bewildered with shock as he watched Hijikata slowly regain his surroundings.

“What the hell am I looking at?” Hijikata groaned out, his voice more raspy and husky than usual. He reached out with his right hand, making grabbing hands until his fingertips came into contact with Gintoki. Hijikata let out a low groan, and Gintoki froze almost instantly. In that second, everyone in the room made a run to the door.

“Hold it!” Hijikata barked out, throwing the inner portion of his arm to shield his eyes, adjusting to the harsh light. He let out another groan, using his elbows to sit up. 

“Why do we have this sofa? Who swapped out the old one? Why is this actually comfortable? Who stole some old grandma’s sofa?” Hijikata demanded, his eyesight still poor as a fever wracked his body. He shifted upwards, leaning his upper body strength whilst his lower half fell limp on Gintoki, causing him to bite the inside of his mouth to not move or say anything. 

“Sougo! You bastard! I can hear your breathing, you idiot! Stop causing such a racket!” 

“How can you distinguish my breathing?”

“Because you’re always breathing in my ear whilst you try to behead me! Why can’t I see anything?”

“Who knows. Maybe you should ask yourself, talk to your brain or something.”

“Did you steal a sofa?”

“No. You’re sitting on Danna.” 

“What the hell are you spewing? Gee, give me a break-” 

“Wait. Danna? Why would I be sitting on that bastard?” 

“Why don’t you ask him? He’s right there, anyway.” Sougo hummed devilishly. 

Hijikata furrowed his eyebrows, slowly watching as his vision began to clear around the edges. Staring up at the ceiling, he blinked a numerous amount of times when his glassy-eyed vision diminished. When the edges of his peripheral vision were filled by a cloud of pure silver waves, his body tensed and he shot up straight away. In the process, Gintoki’s kimono fell off of his torso, leaving him to showcase his upper half. Shocked at the sudden cold air banging at Hijikata’s chest, he glanced down only to find a small portion of the telltale waved kimono and his sweat coated body. Grabbing Gintoki by the collar of his black suit, he glared at him as his teeth audibly grit.

“Pervert! Bastard! What the hell did you do to me, you damn diabetic?!”

“Whoa, whoa. You’ve got the wrong idea!” 

“Wrong idea⁈ I’m naked and wearing your kimono, idiot!”

“Alright, good luck. We’re leaving him with you, Danna.” Sougo called out, quickly leaving the Yorozuya. 

“What the hell? You idiots! Come back!” Gintoki groaned out.

“Gin-chan, why does Hijikata-chan have neko ears?” Kagura called out, reaching her hand to touch the cat ears. Hijikata yelled out, quickly shoving the kimono over his torso. 

“Cat ears? What are you talking about?” 

“Uhh. He has a tail too. Gin-san’s just sitting on it.” 

With a loud huff, Hijikata reached up into his hair. When his fingertips came into contact with something soft, fuzzy and warm- he immediately yelled out. His ears perked into a flat and low position reminiscent to an airplane’s wings. He muttered curses, pulling at the ears in disbelief as he hoped that they were fake. When all he was rewarded with was pain, he let out a loud sigh and slid off of Gintoki, slumping against the sofa with the kimono wrapped around him.

“Why the hell am I a cat?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh man i am so freaking excited for the new attack on titan season. hoping i can finish collecting the manga before dec 6th :/  
> has anyone seen jujutsu kaisen? i absoutely LOVE the animation and the song ugh and satoru is just 😩😩
> 
> starting school next week so updates wont b as frequent but i’ll try my hardest to update whenever i can
> 
> feel free to follow me on tumblr:] might post updates on fics and my dj oops
> 
> [purifiedwaterr_100Percentt](https://purifiedwaterr-100percentt.tumblr.com/)
> 
> until next time !


	7. Chapter 7: House of Cards, Part 1 (SFW)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A modern AU where Gintoki works as a part-time barista. Part 1 is SFW.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here it is! this really had the barista theme for about half of the fic oops and then my fantasies and ideas ran rampant about gintoki endlessly taunting hijikata, i won’t say sorry cause next chapter will be worth it.
> 
> basically, i present to you a thirsty hijikata and sexy mf gintoki
> 
> as requested by gayforhei, hope you like it !! <3 
> 
> happy reading!

“Careful! Kagura! You’ll spill the chocolate mix if you do it like that!” Gintoki scolded the young woman, who stared down at her black leather dress shoes with a small pout visible on her features. She gave out a low huff, crossing her arms over in a fit of fury as she glared up at the older man before him.

“What’s the difference in making it like that? You can just add more chocolate powder again, can’t you?” She muttered, yanking the blender from Gintoki with otherworldly strength. He let out a groan, pinching the bridge of his nose as he spun around, his hands fumbling and dancing with the ingredients behind the counter.

“Kagura. You can’t just add chocolate mix, because it’ll taste gritty. No one wants sandy hot chocolate in the middle of winter, that’s just gross and a disgrace to the Gods.” 

“What Gods?” 

“The Gods of cocoa beans, of course. Haven’t you heard the tale? About the mighty Buddha of chocolate who visits naughty children at night that dare disown his legacy of creating silky, rich chocolate instead of those dollar-store bootleg versions.” Gintoki called out, turning his full blown invented tale into a lecture. Kagura stared back at the wavy-haired man, her eyebrows creased in concern. 

“Isn’t that just sexual harrassment, Gin-chan?”

“Are you saying Santa Claus is a pedophile, then?” 

“Takes one to meet one!” 

“Don’t you mean takes one to know one?” Gintoki deadpanned, twisting around with a blender half-filled to the brim with a thick liquid in a rich, chocolate brown colour. Small freckles of spices floated throughout, almost minuscule to the human eye- though not for the trained one. He furrowed his eyebrows, his tongue slipping out the corner of his lips just a tad bit as he focused on pouring the mixture inside a cup without tumbling the blender over the counter and spilling hot chocolate all over himself. Luckily for him, the front door to the cafe bursting open within seconds was all it took for the chocolate scented and flavoured milk to spill over his work uniform. Gintoki yelped, instantly wincing as the burning hot liquid seeped through his forest green barista apron. Kagura withheld her initial response to cackle at him, and instead ran into the break room for a change of clothes. 

“Gin-chan! I bought the whipped cream you asked fo- Eh? What happened? Why is there hot chocolate all over you?” Shinpachi ran in through the front door, lifting up the grocery bags that hauled his shoulders and arms down at a dangerous level. Pausing to take in the sight of Gintoki groaning at the hot liquid all over him, he couldn’t help but let out a light laugh as he set the bags down and rushed over. Wetting a spare, fluffy white towel with water he applied it to the stains. 

“Eh? You made it sound like I spilled it on purpose.”

“Well, you have been complaining about the uniform lately..” 

“It’s true! Who the hell wears green? Of all colours? Ugh. It just reminds me of snot.”

“It wouldn’t remind you of snot if you didn’t see it so much.”

“Are you telling me to stop looking at snot? How am I supposed to do that when Kagura’s always blowing her nose no matter the season?”

“Gin-chan! Here! Your civvy clothes!”

“Kagura. Please don’t call it that.”

“What, civvy clothes?” 

“Kagura-chan! Just because you picked it up in a manga doesn’t mean you should say it! Besides, what kind of manga are you even reading?!” 

Kagura stuck her tongue out at Shinpachi before tossing over a stack of clothes to Gintoki. He let out a small huff, still wincing at how his thighs and chest burned. With a small shrug of his shoulders, he caught the clothing mid-air and made his way to the break room to change.

“Oi, you two. Manage the cafe while I’m changing, I won’t be long.”

“Kagura. Stop eating the biscuits.”

“They’re complimentary!”

“For the customers, not you.”

“Ugh!” 

Gintoki let out a light chuckle as he used his inner portion of his arm to push open the door. The metal door let out an audible screech as it dragged itself against the hardwood floors, earning months of scratch marks where the metal had slid against the wood. It seemed that with each step, the floor became more and more creaky to the point where it might’ve started singing old folktale songs. Gintoki made a mental note to replace, or remember to replace the tiles in the break room soon. Sliding his locker open, he quickly stripped out of his soiled clothes; wincing at how the harsh, cool air clawed at his exposed body. Unfolding the contents of clothing that Kagura had given him, he hummed lightly at the outfit before him.

It wasn’t one he would usually wear. Although it wasn’t casual, it also wasn’t formal. In fact, it was probably the perfect outfit for his given current employment as a part-time barista. He looped his built biceps through the matte black button-up, fiddling with the buttons like dials until he came to the first few near his collar. Staring at his reflection in the mirror on the inner side of his locker, he slipped on the top button and gazed at himself for a while. Noting that he was somewhat unable to breathe properly, he popped off two to three buttons leaving the start of his pectoral muscles exposed. Flipping the collar down so that he wouldn’t look like a Dracula for Halloween with his already pale skin and silver-waved hair, he quickly slipped on his matching black jeans. They seemed to be a fine line between business and casual, giving him that odd, yet cool air of professional. A loud clang of metal thudding against metal resounded throughout the room as he looped his leather belt around. Stepping back into his usual boots, he gave himself a once-over in the mirror before running his hand through his silver locks. Though he wasn’t usually one to care about looks, the least he could do is not make people think that he was actually homeless and some random weirdo who overtook a cafe for easy money. 

“You guys open? No one else around here wants to sell coffee cause it’s so damn cold outside.” Kondo called out, stepping inside the warm, cozy cafe as he visibly and audibly shivered- his teeth chattering like listening to the sounds of an angry individual typing on a mechanical keyboard. 

“Welcome, welcome! Want to try some of our hot chocolate? Maybe tea? Do you like coff-”

“Kagura-chan, shut up. Sorry about that. What would you like?” Shinpachi interrupted her, shifting his glasses as he awaited the man’s order. 

“Oh, whatever. Don’t drink coffee and die because of fatigue, then. Looks like Christmas came early after all.” Sougo deadpanned, calling out from over his shoulder as he entered the cafe as well. Glazing over the menu, his maroon tinted eyes fell onto Kagura and Shinpachi. His eyebrows creased significantly, and he began to glance around the establishment.

“Just you two here?” Sougo inquired.

“No. Gin-chan’s out the back.”

“Out the back? Is he throwing up in the combustible trash?” 

“Is who what now?” Gintoki called out, emerging from the break room as he stuck out like a sore thumb thanks to his downright mesmerising attire. His pallor gave way to the most intricate design in his muscles from years of training and exercise, contrasting with his downright devilish deep crimson pupils which held a thousand lines of sweet murmurs behind them just from one glance to the right person. His liquid silver waves framed his face, his iconic lazy cowlicks were all a part of the masterpiece that contributed to his entire existence. The room fell quiet, practically gasping for air. The furniture laid still, withholding its’ breath. It seemed that in that moment, the stars had aligned and reunited to form something absolutely exquisite in the form of a wavy-haired man.

Gintoki Sakata, the one mysterious identity the city had yet not uncovered. Though, they did know two things.

Firstly, whenever he tried to make the effort- he was downright sexy to the point where it was almost illegal, sinful even.

Secondly, this was clearly a scheme on behalf of everyone.. It was about time the Vice Commander stopped being so emotional.

Sougo glanced back over at his shoulder, his gaze locking briefly with Hijikata who still declined to even attempt to take a sip of anything that wasn’t mayonnaise. Underneath his breath, he let out a low whistle before fully making his way over to the counter.

“Oh, danna. What’s with the outfit?” 

“Could say the same for you. Aren’t you guys out on patrol?” Gintoki hummed, shooing away Kagura to clean up the dishes whilst Shinpachi tended to the tables. 

“We have a meeting in an hour, so not really.” Sougo hummed. The rather petite man was clad in a two-piece suit, rather strange and peculiar from his usual work attire. His tailored navy blue suit, pristine titanium white button-up and maroon red tie to match his gaze complimented his milky skin and clean-styled caramel tinted hair. From afar, one would have possibly mistaken him for his slightly feminine features. 

“Usual order?” Gintoki hummed, already preparing the ingredients and blender for Sougo’s caramel iced latte. The man let out a hum of approval, grabbing a seat closest to the bar as Kondo grabbed another chair, dragging it by the hardwood to sit next to him. 

“Nee, Kondo-san. Do you think Hijikata-san will die of hypothermia if he stays there any longer? Maybe we should lock the door so he can’t get in, then it’ll be guaranteed.” 

“Ugh, what an idiot. Oi! Toshi! Come here!” Kondo yelled out, waving frantically over at Hijikata who attempted to scramble back inside the squad car. As it was locked by key, Kondo waved the car keys around in the air; the metal ringing out a satisfying ring throughout. 

As Hijikata stormed over to the cafe, his grip deathly on the poor glass door to the point where the hinges would have literally fallen off- Shinpachi served Sougo and Kondo their drinks, quickly grabbing a sweep as he continued to work the floor. Gintoki let out a low yawn, grabbing a seat at the counter. Crossing one leg over the other, he leaned his left hand onto his jaw- using his right to flick through the JUMP issue he kept hoarded underneath for whenever he got bored. 

“Assholes! I was about to die from hypothermia.”

“Unfortunate. I should’ve spoken a few minutes later instead.” 

“I hope you fall off of a cliff. Die, Okita.”

“I hope your mayonnaise goes down your windpipe and you drown in the world’s worst condiment. Die, Hijikata.” 

“Oi, you two. Shut up. You’re scaring the kids with your lover’s quarrel.” Gintoki called out, unbothered to even glance at the three of them. 

Hijikata let out a huff, his retort caught in his throat as he caught a glance at Gintoki. His throat ran dry at the way his black short sleeved button-up left absolutely nothing to the imagination. He outlined his pectoral muscles with the gaze of his deep blue, gunmetal eyes. He groaned internally, wondering if his shirt would rip at the sheer size of how broad his build was. His prominent collarbones taunted Hijikata, practically begging him to attack him there and then on the spot. The light flashed brilliantly against his pallor- deeming his skin almost iridescent. Snow white skin with layers of fluffy, silky curls of silver sitting atop. Gritting his teeth audibly, Hijikata tore his gaze away before he fell captive to those crimson eyes of his. 

“Wishing you came in here sooner, huh?” Sougo muttered through a sip of his iced coffee. 

“Shut up, hypocrite. You’re just here for China girl, anyway.” Hijikata groaned out, sitting upright. He ran his palm down the inner side of his blazer, flattening out the non-existent creases. Clad in a suit similar to Sougo’s, he wore a deep black tailored two-piece suit, a white button-up and a matching black tie. Something about his attire and his messy curls of raven hair gave off the thought that he liked the colour black. After all, it brought out the contrast in his blue tinted eyes beautifully. 

“I have more of a chance than you do.”

“What?!” Hijikata roared out with laughter. Sougo gave him a concerned stare and stood himself up. 

“Watch me and lose, Hijikata.” He hummed out sadistically, making his way over to the counter innocently as though nothing had happened. Calling Kagura over, Gintoki continued to flick through his JUMP as Sougo began to converse with her for a few minutes. It seemed as though he had ordered another round of coffee. Hijikata furrowed his eyebrows, about to burst with laughter as he awaited him to get rejected, or for the coffee to be dumped on him. Within a few moments, he returned with the takeaway cup. Sitting down, he slowly tilted it to the side where the space was usually left blank for the customer’s name. Instead, a series of numbers were written down, with a small cartoon love heart at the end. It was her phone number. With a smug smirk, Sougo’s expression returned to one of being neutral as he took a sip.

“Oh? Gintoki? You’re still working?” Otose yawned, scrubbing the excess snow from her shoulders as she entered the cafe with Catherine trailing behind her. 

“Seriously? What’s that supposed to mean?” He drawled, taking a sip of his strawberry milk that he whipped up seconds ago. 

“And what’s with the outfit? Where’s your uniform?”

“I spilled hot chocolate on myself.” Gintoki stated, his crimson eyes instantly locking with a pair of deep blue ones in the moment that he said it. A particular vein twitched in Hijikata’s cheek as his jaw tensed when he could swear that the bastard literally licked his lips. 

“I don’t know, Otose-san. This just sounds like an excuse for him to get out of that ugly uniform.” Catherine conspired.

“You just agreed that it was ugly.” Gintoki deadpanned at an attempt to get his point across. 

“Whatever. Go rest for a while, I’ll clean up around here.”

“We should probably get going. See you, danna.” Sougo and Kondo stood up simultaneously, actively ditching Hijikata behind. Gintoki let out a low hum, sweeping up his drink as he made his way over to the break room. Pushing the door open once more, he slumped down onto the sofa where he crossed one leg over the other- his arm outstretched over the back of it. 

Maybe if it weren’t for his lax attention and poor response time in that moment, he would have probably heard and noticed the door opening, leading him to be instantly pinned up against the wall by Hijikata.

In fact, it was the sole purpose that he allowed him to act like this. With a sly smirk tugging at his lips, he opened his eyes to be greeted by Hijikata caging him in, his hands plastered beside either sides of his head, his back still evidently sore from the thud and force it just received against the hard, cool wall. Gintoki let out a small chuckle, training his sinful crimson gaze onto the beautiful, flustered and frustrated man before him. Using his right hand, he combed some stray strands out of Hijikata’s face.

“Looks like you’re the first card to fall, Hijikata-kun.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> part 2 will be out sometime during this week and while this chapter was considerably shorter than others i’ll definitely squeeze in a bit more for the next one especially seeing how it’ll be nsfw ;);) 
> 
> hmmm.. i might buy another wacom for my birthday next month so i might start working on some drafts for online dj based on the fics that i’ve wrote already so that’ll be fun 😳😳 
> 
> thank you for all the lovely feedback, feel free to leave a comment if you haven’t done so already and requests are always open xoxo
> 
> feel free to follow me on tumblr:] might post updates on fics and my dj oops
> 
> [purifiedwaterr_100Percentt](https://purifiedwaterr-100percentt.tumblr.com/)
> 
> until next time !


	8. Chapter 8: House of Cards, Part 2 (NSFW)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of House of Cards. Contains smut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok ok so i tried something a bit different today... i hope it’s ok?
> 
> basically, bottom gintoki makes an appearance dhhdhshdhdh
> 
> beginning features a flashback and a note when it ends to compensate for last chapter and also because i didnt know how to edit it into the last one so i shoved it into here which makes the whole thing a bit more coherent
> 
> happy reading !

A cool, mild breeze racked the early spring air. There was still a slight sting lingering around in the air that nipped at noses and fingertips, still turning them a rosy tint of pink from the low temperature. Despite the radiant hot white sun that blasted its’ rays down onto the inhabitants below, the short trimmed moss green grass still held its mildew as frost danced just on the very tips of the end of the grass blades. 

Nearby, a warm and cozy scent of toasted coffee beans wafted throughout the breeze. 

“Oi, Sougo. What are you stalling for? Move the car.”

“There’s a new coffee shop here. I didn’t hear anything about that. I hope they’re not selling tar and paint mixed into their drinks.” 

“Actually, on second thought- It would be quite useful. How about a drink, Hijikata-san?” 

“Alright, come on now. This counts as patrol anyway.” Hijikata hummed, slamming the squad door car shut as he walked his way over inside. His gunmetal blue eyes held their signature glint at the fact that this might’ve been a potential bust. 

“Hold it right th-” Hijikata roared out, although immediately retorting his speech after slamming the door down.

“Kagura-chan! Stop eating the pastries! Gin-san makes it for the customers, not so you can wolf it down with some world record speed! Are you trying out for the Guinness World Records⁈ Spit it out!”

“It’s not my fault I’m always so hungry! Blame Gin-chan!” 

“Oi, oi. Sougo. Are you sure we have the right address? What the hell is this?” Hijikata turned to Sougo, his voice hushed and thick with confusion. 

“I think we hit the jackpot, Hijikata-san.” Sougo deadpanned, his maroon eyes glazing over Kagura. 

“Um, excuse me. Is it just you two here? Where’s the manager?” Sougo called out, raising his hand in a half-wave to get their attention.

“Gin-chan told me not to talk to strangers.” 

“Really? Gin-chan was a stranger too, you know. How else would you make friends?” Sougo monotoned. 

“He said I shouldn’t talk to people who cosplay.” 

“Cosplay? What the hell is that?” Hijikata scoffed.

“It’s when you dress up as someone from a game or a book, stuff like that.” Sougo explained.

“What⁈ We’re actual police officers, you know!” 

“What the hell? Who’s causing such a racket?” Gintoki groaned from behind them.

Entering the room, Gintoki was clad in an attire that made the whole scene feel surreal. An unhealthy and downright sinful amount of his pale skin was exposed with how little his matte black vest covered his toned chest and back. With jet black jeans, utilising small rips at the knees, a looped black leather belt and shin high black boots- something stirred in Hijikata’s masculinity as he was unsure whether he was a heterosexual anymore or not. 

His body had an amusing sheen of light sweat on it, contrasting beautifully with his messy silver waved locks. His deep shades of crimson red eyes were captivating and mesmerising as they shot another direct punch to Hijikata’s vital organs. 

Gintoki, in all his usual mess had balanced a large, heavy crate onto one knee as he holstered it up onto the table. Behind him were several other crates of similar size and width. It seemed that he was dealing with unloading packages.

“Why’re you guys dressed like that? Halloween was ages ago.” Gintoki snorted, wiping off some excess perspiration from his brow with the back of his hand. 

Both officers, clad in navy blue stared at each other, unsure of how to proceed. Hijikata’s pulse quickened, causing his breath to hitch. An ungodly amount of rose pink crept onto his features, painting the tip of his nose and cheeks like icing on a cake. Although tanned by months of sun from patrolling outside as a result of his duties, he still held a slight pallor underneath his skin. His jet black locks plastered against his face, a few strands caught in his gunmetal eyes. The odd contrast of his charcoal hair and deep blue eyes complimented his outfit beautifully. Donned in the most exquisite shade of navy blue work trousers, fitted with a short sleeved matching button-up. His biceps flexed, a particular vein running rampant through his arm as he stuffed his fists into his pockets. Strapped to his shoulder was a communicative device, and an array of weapons and handcuffs decorated his belt. 

“Huh⁈ I’m an actual police officer!” Hijikata scoffed.

“Oh? You are? Oogushi-kun, right? You’re that guy who bought the entire aisle of mayonnaise yesterday at the store.” Gintoki reminisced, ripping open a crate as he began to unpack the contents. The first one was filled with long store ingredients, such as flour and baking powder. 

“Who the hell are you calling Oogushi-kun? You’re the one who bought the entire aisle of strawberry milk! It was on the front page of the news!” Hijikata roared out. Sougo sighed, grabbing Hijikata by his wrist as he was evidently about to lash out at Gintoki.

“Sorry. The Vice Commander is a dog.”

“I’m not a dog-”

“Well, anyways. Do you guys have a permit? We don’t always get new businesses coming in. No one wants to come here, actually.” Sougo mentioned, taking a step forward as he began to look around. He swept his fingertip along the counter, inspecting for dust. 

“Kagura. Go fetch it.” Gintoki called out as he hauled some flour into a cabinet. Kagura let out a loud huff and made her way into the back. A few moments later, she fetched a laminated piece of paper, handing it over to Sougo. He glazed over the contents, skimming the contents. He let out a hum of content, passing it back over to the strawberry red haired female. 

“You guys care for a drink?” Gintoki called out from the counter, leaning his upper torso against it. His right hand rested against his jaw, a particular vein prominent. At this, Hijikata’s jaw clenched. 

“Pfft. You can actually make drinks? I’d be surprised if they’re not poison.” Hijikata scoffed.

“I wouldn’t be a very good barista if I couldn’t make drinks. How about a bet, mister officer?” Gintoki drawled, his familiar smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. 

“A bet?” Hijikata faltered, denying the way his heart stung and pulled at Gintoki’s facial features. The idea threw a ton of butterflies into his stomach as he envisioned the hundreds of things the man could have made a bet over.

Gintoki patted the bar stool in front of him, signalling for Hijikata to come over. Patting the marbled counter with the palm of his hand, Sougo let out a small whistle under his breath, shoving Hijikata’s back which caused him to stumble forward. Hijikata cursed at Sougo from over his shoulder, storming off over to the counter. He slumped down, glaring at the barista before him who gazed down at the male with an amused glimmer in his eye. 

“Let’s see..” Gintoki drawled, patting his chin with his index finger in thought. 

“The day I’m unable to do my job..” Gintoki began. Leaning his weight forwards, he leaned into Hijikata, his mouth just inches away from the shell of his ear.

“I’ll let you do whatever you want to me.” He purred, his voice silky with arousal. 

“Except it won’t happen, because we both know you’ll be the first card to fall.” 

(t/n flashback ends here.) 

“Looks like you’re the first card to fall, Hijikata-kun.”

“You goddamned bastard. You really weren’t planning on letting me win that bet, huh?” Hijikata scoffed, his thumb grazing over Gintoki’s button-up collar. 

“Oh? You were actually serious about that? I’m flattered. What did you have in mind for me?” Gintoki drawled, his voice smug as a smirk played on his face. 

Hijikata huffed, blush steadily creeping up onto his features. Averting his gaze, Hijikata stared down at the floor. 

“Oi, oi. You’re the one who came barging in here. Don’t tell me you’re getting cold feet you damn Mayora.” 

(t/n: mayora is someone who’s obsessed with mayonnaise) 

“Shut up. You’re under arrest.” 

“For what?” 

“For stealing my heart, you damned diabetic.” 

Gintoki let out a hearty chuckle, his retort caught in his throat as Hijikata crash landed his lips onto Gintoki. The silver haired man let out a groan from the bottom of his throat, interrupted by Hijikata’s brave attempt to assert his dominance. Slipping his tongue inside Gintoki’s mouth, he explored and danced inside his cavern until he left his taste behind. Throughout a gasp for air, Gintoki let out a small laugh before he looped his hands around Hijikata, shoving him down onto the sofa.

“My bad, mister officer. I’m the Seme here.” 

(t/n: seme is the dominant leader in a relationship, and uke is the more submissive. basically, gintoki is saying how he’s the top and hijikata is the bottom.) 

“What? Who died and made you King?” Hijikata choked out from underneath him as Gintoki towered over him, his face just inches away from Hijikata’s. A few stray strands of silver locks fell onto Hijikata, brushing his pale face gently. 

“Hm? You make it sound like you haven’t thought of me handling you like this.” Gintoki hummed, grazing his palm over Hijikata’s chest. He palmed the fabric there, his fingers effortlessly popping off his buttons. 

“Shut up..” Hijikata groaned, covering his face as his blush deepened.

”Remember last Spring? You were in that tight, pretty uniform- blushing like a school girl. Man, the things I wanted to do to you right there and then.” Gintoki drawled in his familiar dialect, his right finger flicking up to Hijikata’s light pink nipple. Hijikata yelped out, his back arching from the sudden contact. With a low hiss, Hjikata clawed at Gintoki’s chest, ripping his shirt open. Letting out a low groan, Hijikata flipped Gintoki over onto his back. A brave grin played on Hijikata’s lip as he relished the confusion and shock on Gintoki’s face. 

As Gintoki was about to protest, he felt something incredibly hot and wet smooth over his abdomen then slick up onto his chest. His entire body was wracked with an array of goosebumps as Hijikata began lapping and biting at Gintoki’s pectoral muscles. His harsh biting around the squishy muscle left Gintoki squealing underneath him. 

“Oi, oi! I can’t breastfeed, you damn Mayora! Mmngh- stop that!” Gintoki cried out, kicking his feet around at an attempt to shove Hijikata off. The raven haired man chucked maliciously, using his entire body strength to hold Gintoki down.

Deep down inside, they both knew that Gintoki had the physical capacity to haul him off into the next room. 

Hijikata gazed down at the man before him, fumbling around with an object in his pockets. An audible screech of metal clanging against metal resounded throughout the room with a loud pitch. At this, Gintoki’s eyebrows creased as he craned his neck up to protest and find the source of the sound. In an instant, Hijikata grabbed ahold of Gintoki’s wrists, instantly binding them together with his police issued handcuffs. Gintoki’s crimson eyes widened, yet his member twitched with anticipation simultaneously. When his movements were halted by the flesh binding metal, he couldn’t deny the way his body felt like it had been running on icy hot fire. He felt his pulse quicken, electricity coursing through his veins like high voltage to the point where it might’ve started making zapping noises. Hijikata let out an amused chuckle, his hand just barely brushing over Gintoki’s neglected hot and confined cock. He let out a low whine, thrusting his hips upwards for some friction. 

“Fuck. You’re really into this, aren’t you?” Hijikata hissed through his teeth as he began creating more bruises along Gintoki’s abdomen as he began to paint his whole body purple. 

“Shut the hell up, old man.” Gintoki groaned out, his heart threatening to thunder out of his chest at his high blood pressure. Hijikata let out another laugh, tired at the plain torment he was giving the silver haired man. Instead, he worked to undress him. 

Looping off his belt and chucking it across the room, he let out an initial flinch at the loud clang and thud once it collided against the floor. With a small shrug, he wasted no time in unzipping Gintoki’s black jeans, which peeked out a bundle of baby pink fabric underneath. Glancing at the strawberry printed boxers, Hijikata let out a loud snort.

“What the hell? These are so ugly.” He cackled, wiping tears away from the corners of his gunmetal eyes. As Gintoki prepared his retort about Hijikata wearing mayonnaise printed boxers, his entire length was engulfed by a warm, damp substance which turned out to be the inside of Hijikata’s mouth. His choked moan vibrated the dull walls, leaving him unable to form any sort of witty comeback or his usual sneer. 

As Hijikata concentrated on sucking the head of Gintoki’s cock, the way his tongue swirled underneath his tip sent a steady stream of maroon, rich blood out of Gintoki’s nose. He choked out through his groans, unable to find a way to stop his imminent nosebleed. 

“Are you a virgin? You got a nosebleed from this?” 

“No. I didn’t eat anything sweet today, that’s all.” Gintoki choked out, lying through his teeth. Hijikata hummed pleasantly, watching Gintoki’s masculine facial features distort with every choke and gag Hijikata landed on Gintoki’s cock, smothering him with small praises and sounds of his head hitting the back of Hijikata’s throat. Gintoki bent his knees up, caging Hijikata in between his thighs as he steadily bounced his mouth up and down on his cock, his tongue swirling his length as he licked and drank every last inch of him. To meet in time with him, Gintoki began to thrust his hips up and down simultaneously. 

Emitting a low hiss, Hijikata unlatched his mouth from Gintoki in an instant. The silver haired male yelled out, disappointment and confusion drowning his features as his climax began to creep up. Hijikata sent a loud slap to Gintoki’s thigh, his built muscle there lightly jiggled as he opened his legs again. Fumbling around in some of his clothes on the floor, Hijikata grabbed a small container with a pink label. Staring at it, he glared down at the fact that it smelled strongly of strawberries. Wasting no time, he slathered his digits in the lubricant- digging his pale, long middle finger inside Gintoki until the base of his palm rested against the underside of his thigh. Gintoki let out a strangled cry, his crimson eyes rolling open. Half lidded, his thick eyelashes encased the prominent arousal in his gaze as his mouth fell open to pant. His silver waved hair clung to his perspired skin mixed in with his own nosebleed which just seemed to get worse. 

Hijikata let out another hum, a smirk evident on his lips. Using his free hand, he reached up to Gintoki’s mouth, dipping his index finger into his mouth.

“Suck it.” Hijikata growled, watching as Gintoki easily lapped his warm, soft tongue around Hijikata’s digit. At the same time, Hijikata pushed his finger deeper inside him, massaging the inside of his walls as his fingertip just barely brushed over his prostate. As he flicked upwards with a small ‘come here’ motion, Gintoki’s entire body jolted, his back arching and cock throbbing as he hit into his sweet spot. 

“You’re drenched already. Shit. Never been fucked before?” Hijikata hummed, shoving his curled finger up into his prostate. A thick, milky white liquid coated his digit. 

“So?” Gintoki choked out, the corners of his vision pricked with stars.

“I’ll be your first, then.” Hijikata chuckled, stripping himself out of his boxers. His neglected cock twitched, his tip flushed pink with a hearty vein along his shaft. Something about the mesmerising curve of his member made Gintoki’s legs feel weak. 

Coating his length with the strawberry lube, Hijikata aligned himself with Gintoki’s entrance. Pushing his swollen head in, he groaned out at how extremely tight and warm Gintoki was, the way his walls wrapped around him like a jigsaw puzzle. Gintoki let out a strangled moan, his jaw falling slack- saliva pooling out of his mouth and spilling over Hijikata’s index. Gintoki cried his name out, his fingernails digging into his own palms resulting in a charade of deep-red half crescent moons. Hijikata groaned, his cock twitching as Gintoki bottomed out against him until only his hung balls rested against Gintoki. Hijikata rested both of his hands on Gintoki’s waist, his left leaving a wet spot on Gintoki’s pelvis from where Hijikata’s fingers had been coated in Gintoki’s saliva. Holding onto him with a steady grip, Hijikata began to slam himself in and out of Gintoki at a steady pace, each thrust sending a shock into Gintoki’s prostate with an extreme amount of pleasure. His head filled with white noise, insides scrambled and destroyed, guts rearranged as Hijikata began to explore his insides. The silver haired man hadn’t even entered himself with his own fingers, causing the stimulation to overwhelm his senses twofold. Unable to form any coherent thoughts, his toes curled as he wrapped his legs around Hijikata, crossing his ankles over to cage him in as he continued his steady drilling. Gintoki’s wanton, delirious moans rang throughout the air, causing him to pant and to beg for more as he rethought whether he was truly the top anymore. His mouth lolled open, chest heaving with labour as every slap of Hijikata’s balls against his thighs sent him over the edge. With every time Hijikata pulled out, his cock was drenched with a milky liquid. The sound of skin slapping against skin and metal clanging along with Gintoki chanting Hijikata’s given name almost religiously filled the room. 

As a familiar coil began to spread throughout the pits of Gintoki’s stomach, his squeals became more and more persistent, more desperate as he whimpered and panted, his cock practically painful as he throbbed from the neglected friction. He cried out, his eyebrows creased and eyes half lidded as he begged for more. 

“Toshirou-kun. Please-” Gintoki whimpered, his head thudding against the sofa as he glared up at the ceiling, his neck exposed. Hijikata grabbed ahold of his chin, lifting him up to stare at him. 

“What do you want?” He coaxed, waiting to hear him beg.

“Let me cum, please. Haaah.. Mfffh- Touch me.”

“Where?”

“My cock.”

Hijikata let out a small chuckle, enclosing his fist around Gintoki’s cock. He began to stroke his length vigorously, matching the slam of his cock inside of him at the same time. Gintoki cried out, sending him over the edge as an incredibly hot coil burst inside of him, crashing down into him with vigour and aggression. In that instant, he shot out his white, thick seed all over Hijikata’s fist and his own abdomen. Hijikata groaned, feeling Gintoki’s balls twitch underneath him as he came. In that given moment, his thrusts quickly became shorter and sloppier as a familiar warmth settled in his stomach. Within a few moments, Hijikata gave Gintoki a few test thrusts before slamming himself inside once more, where he finally began to unload inside him. 

Coming down from their high, the two of them panted heavily, Hijikata slumping against Gintoki’s chest with a loud huff.

“Shit.. I still have a meeting to go to.” Hijikata groaned, nestling his face into the warmth of Gintoki’s chest. The silver haired man bent forward, planting a small kiss to Hijikata’s forehead, 

“So? Can’t you just not go?” 

“No. I’ve been skipping out for the past three days.” 

“Oh? You were here the past three days. Did you really come here to see me?” Gintoki snorted, sporting a large grin. Hijikata landed a flick in between Gintoki’s eyebrows, standing up to get ready. As he threw on the clothes he found closest to him, he heard the sound of metal. Looking over, Gintoki had easily slipped out of the cuffs.

“You didn’t tighten them enough.” 

“You could’ve just taken them off. Kinky bastard.” Hijikata huffed, flipping his collar up after buttoning his shirt up. 

“It’ll be your turn next time!” Gintoki called out as the heavy metal door slammed shut, announcing that Hijikata had left to finally attend his meeting- despite being an hour late. 

“Nee, Hijikata-san. Why are you wearing danna’s shirt?” Sougo inquired, crossing one leg over the other as he shifted some paperwork at the large gathering table. 

“What the hell are you talking ab-” 

Hijikata glanced down, and realised immediately that he shouldn’t have picked up the first shirt off of the floor. The black button-up lightly hung over his build, as he was more slender than Gintoki’s wide, broad build. 

“You’re a police officer, Hijikata-san. You can’t steal people’s clothing like that.” Yamazaki scolded, tutting and shaking his head.

“He’s going to have a whole stash of them by the end of his week. Let’s arrest him for theft.”

“Shouldn’t he be stealing boxers instea-”

“Shut up!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow um that was a wild ride and totally different to my usual writing, i hope it was alright  
> figured i’d try something a bit new, felt like it for once it’s nice to change things up every once in a while.
> 
> is it really a fic written by me if hiji doesnt tell someone to shut up in the end lmao
> 
> feedback is always appreciated and requests are open :)
> 
> feel free to follow me on tumblr:] might post updates on fics and my dj oops
> 
> [purifiedwaterr_100Percentt](https://purifiedwaterr-100percentt.tumblr.com/)
> 
> until next time !


	9. Chapter 9: Pets Resemble Their Owners, Part 1 (SFW)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 1/3 of Pets Resemble Their Owners. Despite the title, it is not canon based.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the “i’m a lazy veterinary surgeon and my client hates me but secretly plans excuses to see me again even if their pet isn’t sick” modern au that i thought of at 3am lmaoo 
> 
> this chapter is mainly profession based, whereas ch 2 will be more interactions and crack and finally smut in ch 3 so this oneshot will be split into three parts
> 
> also cause i wanted to work on drafting my dj oops sorry im so impatient 
> 
> happy reading !

Gintoki let out a loud yawn, the insides of his baby pink mouth evident as his whole demeanour practically shouted that he was exhausted. Underneath his pallor, which contradicted the many hours he spent outside, eye bags were prominent underneath his dead, deep crimson coloured eyes. His locks of silver waved cowlicks stood up on end as though he had literally just woken up, his titanium white lab coat trailing behind him like a superhero cape along with a matching white button-up, black trousers and a baby blue tie which had been loosened to the point where it might’ve detached from his whole outfit. Gripping a piping hot cup of takeaway coffee in his left hand, his right contained an array of disturbed stacks of paperwork which just barely hung onto their clipboards. Taking a giant swig of his coffee, his face distorted in disgust and he immediately paused his actions, setting the cup down. Swiping the lid off, he proceeded to dump in an unhealthy amount of sugar and coffee creamer to sweeten his drink to the point where it was reminiscent of something like caffeinated chocolate milk. He let out a pleasant hum when he was satisfied with his efforts. Slumping down into his desk, he quickly flipped throughout his paperwork, scrambling through folders to find his most recent client. 

In through the front of his office, Kagura slipped through the door, clad in a baby blue work shirt and trousers; her fiery red hair pinned back with a ballpoint pen.

“Gin-chan. You have an appointment for a checkup.”

“Now? Geez. What is it?” 

“A kitty. A really cute one! Maybe we can distract the owner. You smooth talk him, and I’ll steal the cat!” 

“Shut up. You women call everything cute. I bet you’d even call those hairless cats cute. Gross. Whatever. Call them in.” Gintoki groaned, massaging the sides of his temples as he quickly cleaned up his surrounding workplace. Shifting some papers and folders into filing cabinets, the man waddled his way over to the sink and began scrubbing his hands vigorously. 

Within a few moments, the door slid open once again. Instantly, a loud mewl and a hiss erupted throughout the air. The owner of the cat winced, instantly hissing at the feline to shut up. Strangely, the two of them looked alike. The owner, with his tall and slender figure was donned in a pristine white button-up, jet black tie and matching black jeans. His charcoal coloured hair fell over his face, a few strands clashing against his deep blue eyes. He seemed to have an unhealthy pallor to his skin, unsurprising from the lack of sun they were recently gifted with. 

The cat clawing and thrashing around in the carrier cage was all black in colour, with piercing lemon yellow eyes, a crimson red collar with a bell attached to match. His left ear contained two piercings, indicating that he was tagged. 

“What the hell? Was there a tornado in here? Whatever. I’m here for a checkup.”

“ _You’re_ here for a checkup? You know this is the veterinary surgery, right? You’re not a dog, are you?” Gintoki snorted, calling out from over his shoulder as he continued to scrub his hands clean. 

“The cat. My cat. He’s here for a checkup. Are you even allowed to be this rude to your clients? Dammit.” 

Gintoki let out a chuckle, clearly amused by the man’s inability to keep his temper in check. Drying off his hands, he pulled on his latex gloves until a loud slap hit against the flesh on his palms.

“It’s not being rude. Just considerate, maybe you got lost. Despite the fact that clearly the storefront said it was a veterinary but anyways-”

“I didn’t get lost! I have a pet, right here! He’s here for the checkup!” 

“Who is?”

“My cat!”

“You have a cat? Where?” 

“For God’s sakes! Here! I’m holding him right n-” 

At that moment, the dark haired male stared down into the now empty carrier cage. Gintoki wore his usual signature smirk, his ‘I told you so’ gaze becoming more and more irritating by the second. His client let out a huff, scooping up his roaring feline and plastering it onto the work bench. Glancing over at his file, Gintoki lazily gazed over the contents and the owner’s name. 

“When was this guy’s last checkup, Mister, uhhh, Oogushi-kun?” Gintoki hummed, extending an arm filled with some treats to help soothe the feline before he began to touch the cat. 

“Oogushi-kun? How the hell did you get that from Hijikata?” 

“The same way you came into a veterinary for a regular checkup-”

“I did not!” 

“Whatever. Answer the question.” 

“About a month ago?” 

“A month ago? My colleagues said you used to come every other week.”

“I went away on a business trip, so naturally I wouldn’t be able to visit the vet..”

“What about the cat then? Did you just leave it to starve? Jesus, this calls for RSPCA.” Gintoki groaned, his digits already hovering over the contact number on his desk phone. 

“No, you idiot! I had an acquaintance come over to feed it.” 

“Bet your house smells like shit then. He’s not a very good friend if he didn’t change the litter box.” 

“Who said he’s my fr- He changed the litter box! That’s not the point here!” 

“Whatever. Can you get him in? I’d need to ask a few questions.” Gintoki began, petting the feline with small, delicate movements as it started to become accustomed to his touch. When a small purring sound emitted from the black cat, he began twisting his fingers and measuring the cat’s temperature, resting heart rate and capillary refill. 

“Good grief.. The service in this clinic is awful.” Hijikata groaned out, stepping outside as he dialled a few buttons on his cellphone.

(t/n, kind of a world play here for the mobile service being terrible and customer service)

“Eh? Hijikata-san, why are you calling me? You creep. I just got the shivers. How did you get this number?”

“Sougo, shut up. I need you to come to the veterinary surgery. The bastard in charge wants to ask you a few questions about my cat. Jesus, who even does this anymore?”

“I hope he annoys you to death. Can’t wait to see him.” Sougo monotoned, quickly hanging up as he made his way over at light speed to witness the torment of Hijikata.

Slipping back inside, Hijikata leaned against the wall and observed the doctor work miracles on his furry friend. Something about Gintoki’s unprofessional conduct and matching appearance contrasting with his actual educated work ethic set a fuse off in Hijikata’s brain. It would annoy the living daylights out of him for days without end.

“So? How ‘bout it? Your friend?” Gintoki chimed through his actions. He seemed to be taking a blood sample, just incase. 

“He’ll be here soon.” Hijikata snapped, digging his slender fingers into a box of cigarettes. Snapping his mayonnaise shaped lighter with a light clink, he lit the cancer stick ablaze until the start of the cigarette burned into a flame of blazing hot deep orange and fiery red. 

“Won’t even tell me not to smoke?”

“Who cares? It’d be different if your cat was smoking. Though, he is inhaling secondhand smoke. Did you know that secondhand smoke is more deadly than firsthand smoke? Secondhand smoke kills, you know. It's far worse than the fumes you inhale directly. Take diethylene, one of those nasty carcinogens your doctor might have warned you about on your last visit. Firsthand smoke has between 5.3 and 43 nanograms of diethylene, whereas, secondhand smoke has 680 and 823 nanograms. Then we've got quinoline, another effective one, secondhand smoke has 18,000 nanograms; 11 times more than the amount you're sucking down firsthand. You can make the choice to blacken your lungs, but don't expect to enforce that on me or your pet here.”

In that moment, Gintoki whipped around from his working table and snatched Hijikata’s cigarette, effectively snuffing it out by stamping on it with his boot. Simultaneously, he slid the front door open as he sensed another presence behind it.

“Oh, danna. It’s good to see you.” Sougo hummed, stepping inside the office. He screwed his nose at the faint smell of tobacco mixed in with an overwhelming amount of disinfectant and chemicals. 

“Danna? You know this asshole?” 

“He gave my Chihuahua a vasectomy.” Sougo monotoned, grabbing a seat from across the room. He climbed into the seat, swivelling the chair around until he sat forwards with his chest against the back rest. His light brown hair lightly curled at the ends, sat atop his pale face like a mop. The small of his collarbones were exposed with his ashy rose coloured v-neck, complimenting the deep denim distressed jeans he wore.

“Sorry, Mister. I only done it ‘cause Chihuahuas are satan spawns.” Gintoki drawled, grabbing some papers as he sat back at his desk. 

“Pets resemble their owners if all Chihuahuas do is annoy the shit out of others.” Hijikata retorted. 

“Does that mean when your cat is in heat, you are as well?” Sougo snorted, pointing at the feline who began to hiss and scratch at the table

“Alright, come on you two. This isn’t couples counselling. Although, Oogushi-kun did come here for _his_ checkup.” Gintoki continued, also snorting as he clicked his ballpoint pen. 

“Hijikata-kun, you have to say bow-wow at the end of your sentences now.”

“Like hell I will!” 

“So, why am I here again?”

“I’d just like you to answer a few questions regarding Oogushi-kun’s cat here whilst you took care of him recently.”

“When I entered Hijikata-san’s residence two days ago the cat was howling on the floor and screaming because it was starving. He neglects his pets and feeds them the end of his cigarette filters-”

“I do not! Sougo, you bastard shut up!”

“How often did you feed him?”

“Twice a day.” 

“Alright. How often did he shit?”

“Twice a day, once on Hijikata’s bed. I mean, what?”

“What the fuck did you just s-” “Twice a day everyday, or just two days ago?”

“Everyday.”

“Huh. Alright.” Gintoki hummed, his eyebrows creased as his wrist diligently scribbled against the paper underneath, the ink leaving no smudges from his strangely articulate and fluent cursive. When he finished writing his current sentence, he stuck the tip of his tongue out of the corners of his lips in concentration as he briefly skimmed over the contents he had just written down. 

Slipping his free hand onto his desk phone, he dialled a few buttons and plastered the phone between his ear and shoulder as he shuffled paperwork around again. After two or three rings, the phone picked up.

“Shinpachi-kun, could you book an appointment for one uh, Hijikata-kun whenever the next one’s available? Just another checkup.” 

“One second, Gin-san.. Uhh. In two weeks time on a Wednesday is our next available appointment. 14:30, is that alright with the client?”

“Oi, you. Two weeks from today, 14:30.”

“Whatever.”

“Yeah, he’ll take it. Thank you.” Gintoki hummed, slamming the phone back down. Scribbling down onto the paper, he ripped it off with a satisfying tear that resounded throughout the room. 

“Here, take this to the pharmacy downstairs. Your cat should feel better after about four days. Don’t forget to keep giving him the medication after that, just cause he feels better doesn’t mean you should pause the medication. Some of the leftover bacterial cells can continue to multiply and worst case, mutate and make matters worse. Once in the morning and once in the evening, make sure he doesn’t take it on an empty stomach. If he throws up and gets worse before it gets better, come back here and call it an emergency. Leave, now. I still haven’t read this month’s issue of JUMP. See you in two weeks, Oogushi-kun!” Gintoki hummed the last sentence, shoving a mildly confused Hijikata with his cat carrier and prescription shoved into his arms along with Sougo; whose expression remained passive. 

Slumping down into his office chair, Gintoki let out a low groan as his fatigue washed over him. Grabbing ahold of his coffee, Gintoki took a hearty chug of his beverage instantly sputtering and choking when the liquid was unpleasantly cold. He shivered, letting out a sigh of disgust when something pricked against his finger. With his eyebrows cocked in curiosity, he turned around the coffee cup to find a piece of paper tucked into the cardboard sleeve which wrapped around the coffee cup. On the piece of paper were an array of numbers which were handwritten. The cursive handwriting noted that it wasn’t Shinpachi, though could’ve easily been Kagura if it weren’t for the fact that Gintoki knew that Kagura wrote with absurdly massive gaps between each number or word. Pocketing the information into his pockets, he awaited the end of his shift to indulge in his curiosity. 

Falling onto his soft layers of velvety, rich duvet- Gintoki let out a low whimper as his own personal cotton clouds enveloped him in an endless stream of warmth and comfort. All of his exhaustion slowly melted away, forgotten in that instant. As he was in a half state of slumber, he suddenly remembered the piece of paper in his pocket. Digging the contents out of his pocket, he grabbed his cell phone and the piece of paper before he began reciting it. With a small smile tugging at his lips, he composed a new text message with the new number punched into it.

 **strbmilk - 21:47**  
wanna go on a date? i know a good joint downtown :]

 **strbmilk - 21:48**  
you might be getting more than dessert ;)

Gintoki cackled, tossing his phone aside as he began to strip out of his work uniform. He snorted as he tried to imagine the facial expression of the stranger who he sent the text to. He wondered if they would gag at the message, throwing their phone away, blocking him or screen-shotting the text. Admittedly, it was one of his more idiotic pastimes. 

As he lifted a black snug crew neck t-shirt which framed his silky silver hair perfectly, the sound of his phone buzzing halted him in his step. His throat croaked, nerves standing on end.

Surely, it was just one of his friends. Maybe Kagura. Maybe she wanted pickled seaweed. Yeah, that was definitely it. She ran out of pickled seaweed, or there’s no more toilet paper. But wouldn’t she just come over from the apartment next door? Maybe she’s lazy, or tired. With a shaky laugh, he half stumbled half jogged over to his phone. What he saw next sent his nerves into a frenzy as he chuckled nervously.

 **Unknown - 21:58**  
Old diner. 5PM sharp. Don’t be late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this really did come to me on a whim oops i was thinking of some writing prompts and my cat recently had four kittens so i was like meh lets do a vet one
> 
> featuring a reference from nov 11, if you know then you know 
> 
> did anyone see the really ass art style for about two minutes straight on the newest haikyuu episode because i c a c k l e d atsumu looked like a square dhsbdhshdh
> 
> feedback is always appreciated and feel free to leave a comment :)  
> requests are open
> 
> feel free to follow me on tumblr:] might post updates on fics and my dj oops
> 
> [purifiedwaterr_100Percentt](https://purifiedwaterr-100percentt.tumblr.com/)
> 
> until next time ! <3


	10. Chapter 10: Pets Resemble Their Owners, Part 2 (SFW)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of Pets Resemble Their Owners. SFW.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally this was only going to be about three parts but the way things are going it’ll probably be four because i really really freaking love the idea of hijikata teasing gintoki over messages whilst hes at work dhfhdhfhhd omg i just got a nosebleed thinking about hiji sending gintoki a picture of him changing but like just the upper half AHHHHH my fantasies are out of control
> 
> happy reading!

“Ah, shit. This one isn’t ironed.” Hijikata tutted, tossing aside his light grey button-up across his bedroom. The wooden hanger clanged against the hardwood floor with a light thud. Scratching the back of his head, the raven-head stared mindlessly into his closet, back onto the pile of attire on his bed, at himself in the mirror and back into his closet. 

“Gah! Fuck it. Who cares⁈ They probably won’t show up anyway.” Hijikata snorted, unbuttoning his shirt halfway until some of his torso was exposed.

“What the heck are you doing? Moving out or something?” Sougo hummed from the doorway, his left hand covering his smirk as he snorted whilst his right leaned against the door frame to support his weight.

“Jesus! You scared me, you idiot! What the hell are you doing here⁈” Hijikata yelped, quickly covering his exposed toned chest with his hands. 

“Relax. Your chastity is safe with me. I wouldn’t want to bed a mayonnaise freak like you.”

“Did you just insult-” “The delivery man gave me your package again. I’m here to drop it off.”

“How did you get in?” 

“The window was open.”

“What the hell is wrong with you? Are you a stray cat?”

“I’d be a cat so I could claw your eyes out. Speaking of your cat, how are his haemorrhoids?”

“He does not have haemorrhoids!” 

“Really? I’m not so sure about that after all the things you’ve put up the-” “Shut up! Get out! I’m changing you pervert!” 

“Whatever. Isn’t it a bit late for you to announce that now? I’ve been here for a minute already.” 

“Out!”

“Yeah, yeah. Going. Any second longer and I might throw up after looking at your face.” Sougo deadpanned, calling out from over his shoulder as he took his leave. With a loud sigh, Hijikata began furiously sorting through his atrocious pile of mix matched colours which sought refuge on his bed. 

“Gin-chan! Let’s walk to work together! Look! I made a bento box! The onigiri have little cute faces on them!” Kagura chirped, automatically letting herself in through the front door of Gintoki’s apartment.

(t/n, onigiri literally translates to rice ball. they’re those triangular pieces of rice, usually wrapped in seaweed. in between the two layers of rice are fillings, like tuna + mayo but you can get plain ones.) 

“Sorry. I feel sick.” Gintoki called out, faking a dry cough as he filed through his closet.

“I can hear your hangers moving around you old man! Why won’t you walk with me? I won’t ask you to hold my hand whilst we cross the road anymore! Pleaaasee- Eh? What are you doing, Gin-chan?” Kagura chimed, her voice high with curiosity as she balanced on the tip of her toes, leaning into Gintoki’s bedroom as she watched him file through his closet. 

“Oh? Are you going on a date?” She hummed, her interests peaked as she hopped over to his closet. 

“Let me see. I’ll pick something out!” 

“Oi, oi. You’re a hundred years too young for giving me dating advice.”

“Aha! So you are going on one! Shinpachi! Give me my money!” 

“Money? What money?” Gintoki inquired, cocking an eyebrow. When Shinpachi emerged from within the hallway and into his room, Gintoki pinched the bridge of his nose.

“What money? There’s no way you won that stupid bet.”

“What bet?”

“Of course I did! I knew I would from the start, so hand it over!” 

“No way! You just want free money so you can buy pickled seaweed!”

“Oi, oi. Are you two even listening to me? What the heck is happening?”

“Kagura-chan and I made this bet a while back whether or not someone would respond to your text message each time you found a random phone number.” 

“You guys really made a bet over that? Jeez.”

“Do you know who it is?” Shinpachi inquired, also shoving Gintoki aside to look inside his wardrobe. 

“Don’t know. I’d drop dead on the spot if it were Sacchan. Although, I think she would like that. Can’t win with that one.” 

“Ah! Shoot! Shinpachi, we’re gonna be late! Okay, Gin-chan. Take this, this, and this. Bye! Good luck!” Kagura yelped, grabbing things at random from the closet until she snatched Shinpachi’s wrist, dragging him out after her when she realised the time. 

“Take this⁈ You just grabbed random things out of my wardrobe!” 

“Whatever. They probably won’t show up anyway.” 

Despite his cool, collected exterior and unmatched crimson gaze- Gintoki’s nerves were lit aflame as paranoia and hysteria wracked every fibre of his being. Admittedly, at this point he had started to regret his past decisions. What if his date was a murderer? A serial killer? A terrorist? Worst of all, what if they didn’t like strawberry milk? The thought sent a large-scaled shiver which visibly wracked his entire spine. 

Through his haze, he felt his jean pocket and buzz- vibrating against the bone in his thigh.

 **Unknown - 16:31**  
You’re late. 

Heart thundering in his ears, Gintoki quickly scrambled to respond.

 **strbmilk - 16:31**  
hey, hey. i’m just around the corner. u giving up already?

 **strbmilk - 16:31**  
n what table? don’t want to look like an idiot lol

 **Unknown - 16:32**  
Corner booth. Hurry up.

Slipping the cell phone back into his pocket, Gintoki quickly allowed his gait to quicken as he rounded the corner into the old diner. Though the diner itself was moderately new, the style and theme of the establishment leaned towards extremely retro and old fashioned. Donned in layers of eye-blinding obnoxious red and white as though they celebrated Christmas year-round, they also sported those iconic black and white tiles with grids the size of entire pavements themselves. It would’ve been a miracle if the waiters didn’t stroll around on roller-skates. Nearing the door, he quickly ran a slightly shaky hand through his disturbed silver locks. Intaking a sharp breath, he pushed the door open with the inner portion of his right arm. A loud chime resounded throughout the restaurant, rending his nerves unstable. 

In the corner booth sat a man who Gintoki would have never imagined running into ever again, except perhaps the vets. In an instant, his heart elevated as his crimson eyes slowly processed the information- his brain stirring like clockwork. After a few minutes, he hesitated whilst taking a few nimble steps forward. Double checking to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating after his lack of shuteye, he rubbed his eyelids with his knuckles. Unfortunately, the apparition in front of him did not disappear.

“Oi- You- What the heck?” Hijikata yelped out, visibly startled as his gunmetal eyes were raised in shock. Pointing his slender finger at Gintoki, Hijikata covered his mouth as he attempted to keep his laughter in. 

“What the hell are you doing here? You’re interrupting something, so go away. I heard the convenience store is doing an offer on mayonnaise.” Gintoki grunted, slumping down into the seat opposite him. 

“They’re doing an offer- Wait! I was here first! Why should I move? You’re interrupting something too!” Hijikata growled, slamming his palms down onto the table.

“Interrupting what? You have a life?” Gintoki snickered, leaning his left palm onto his jaw.

“What the hell do you mean I have a life? I’m breathing right now, aren’t I?”

“Thats not what it means-” “Of course it does-”

“Whatever. Why are you here, old man?”

“Old? Your shirt isn’t ironed!” Hijikata snapped, glaring at the loose titanium white crew neck that Gintoki wore, matched with black distressed jeans and red high-top sneakers. The crew neck had a peculiar yet mesmerising pattern of deep blue waves along the hem. 

“Ironed? Who irons a crew neck? Something wrong with your head? Hit it too hard? Is that why you came to the veterinary for a check-up?” Gintoki snorted.

“I did not! You asshole, piss off! You’re going to scare my date away-”

“Whoa, whoa. Hold on. Date?”

“Yes? Are you deaf? Is that so hard to beli-”

“You’re here for a date?”

“So what-”

“A date?”

“Stop cutting me off you bastard! Dammit!” 

“Hold on.” 

“What?” Hijikata hissed. Gintoki’s features softened for a bit, until his eyebrows scrunched up again. He stared at the man before him, his brain slowly buffering. 

“Could you turn your phone off silent for a second?” Gintoki inquired, watching the discontent on Hijikata’s face. After a moments hesitation, the raven-haired male dug his phone out of his black jeans. He lifted his black phone up, which featured a see through phone case. Inside, there was a polaroid photo of his cat. He slipped the button on, showing that he turned it off of silent. Gintoki let out a small hum, digging out his phone. 

He scrolled onto his messages, selecting the most recent one. Tapping the corner, he dialled the number, letting it ring.

A few moments later, Hijikata’s phone audibly began to ring, vibrating obnoxiously from the incoming call. Confused, Hijikata’s gaze was uninterested until Gintoki revealed the screen on his red cell phone- showing the outgoing call. 

“Are you-”

“How on fucking earth did _you_ get my number?”

“What the hell do you mean how? _You’re_ the one who slipped it into my coffee cup, you retard! You really did hit your head!” 

“No? Why would I give my number to a bastard like you?”

“So the paper grew sentient and decided to tattoo itself then? Somehow grew legs and wandered into the sleeve of my coffee cup?”

“I’m telling you! I didn’t give you my phone number!” 

“You’re right. The barista wrote down random numbers and it turned out to be your number. The odds of that are freaking astronomical. Gee, I’m out.” Gintoki groaned, slinging himself up. 

“What the hell is this?” 

“Sure your memory isn’t giving out, old man?”

“Sougo…” Hijikata muttered, glaring holes into the table as his mind began coursing through today’s events.

“What? Are you mentally insane? Speak up, would you?” 

“That bastard. He definitely done it. What the hell? Why didn’t I notice earlier? I didn’t even have a package for him to deliver! He knew about it all along!” Hijikata growled, quickly gathering his backpack from underneath his feet as he began to run back to his apartment to beat up his neighbour.

“Oi! Wait-” Gintoki called out, sighing when Hijikata had already left. 

“What an idiot.” Gintoki groaned, placing his cell phone back into his pocket. 

“Gin-chan! How was your date? Ending a bit early, aren’t you?” Kagura hummed, adjusting her hair as she grabbed a stack of books. Balancing them on one knee, she relocated the contents of the break room so that she could clear out a few tables. 

“Oh. Gin-san. Back already? You’re off today, why are you here at work?” Shinpachi entered the room, slipping off his lab coat.

“Nah, wrong number. I’m bored.” Gintoki yawned, leaning back in his chair as he stretched his arms behind his head. 

“Who was it?” Kagura inquired, plastering a book open as she sat opposite to Gintoki. She began reading the contents as she took a sip out of her green tea that Gintoki brought on the way to work. 

“That client that came in yesterday.” 

“Eh?! Hijikata-san? Really?” Shinpachi snorted so abruptly that he knocked his glasses off of his nose. 

“Apparently his friend gave me his number instead.”

“Sounds like an excuse he made up on the spot if you ask me.” Kagura giggled. 

At that moment, Gintoki felt his phone vibrate against him. Leaning down into his chair until he was almost laying down, he dug his phone out and unlocked it. He leaned his fingers and palm against his clear strawberry print case. 

**Unknown - 17:00**  
Delete this number.

 **strbmilk - 17:00**  
nah

 **strbmilk - 17:00**  
changing ur contact name now nd saving u to my contacts :]

 **mayofreak - 17:00**  
If you diss mayonnaise, you won’t be waking up tomorrow.

 **strbmilk - 17:00**  
hmm, is that a threat? taking this to the police

 **mayofreak - 17:01**  
I am the police.

 **strbmilk - 17:01**  
really? are you allowed to threaten civilians like that? 

**mayofreak - 17:01**  
I’m blocking you.

 **strbmilk - 17:01**  
oh? 

**strbmilk - 17:02**  
but we haven’t had our fun yet, mister officer ;)

Hijikata’s pearly teeth audibly grit as he felt the pits of his stomach burn up. His heart felt heavy, blood suddenly rushing to his lower half. Gripping his phone with vigour, he let out a low grunt.

 **mayofreak - 17:04**  
Don’t call me that ever again. 

**strbmilk - 17:07**  
we’ll see about that :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was a lot of dialogue and crack but im just getting things warmed up for next few chapters, sorry about that
> 
> i always usually focus on descriptions but i wanted to try my hand at dialogue a bit more so theres that again sorry for the lack of detail compared to usual uwu 
> 
> in case you didn’t know, i made a tumblr recently. i will be posting oneshots on there that are too short for ao3 given the fact that these chapters are all around 8-11 pages worth so i’ll be dumping shorter ones onto there now. there’s currently an angst gintoki x hijikata one on there so check it out if you’d like to :) 
> 
> [purifiedwaterr_100Percentt](https://purifiedwaterr-100percentt.tumblr.com/)
> 
> and umm i am LIVING for gintoki being a tease over messagesdhsshshdh
> 
> feel free to leave feedback! comments / requests are always appreciated xoxo 
> 
> until next time !


	11. Chapter 11: Pets Resemble Their Owners, Part 3 (NSFW)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 3 of Pets Resemble Their Owners. Contains mild smut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m back!! so sorry for the time i was wiped off of the face of the earth on ao3. been real busy with school and i also focused on tumblr for a while writing headcanons for gintoki x reader etc. i’m doing christmas themed prompts so feel free to take a look at my blog if you have any requests, my anon box is always open :)
> 
> little bit of a short one. i had to switch my notes app so i can’t tell if this is the same length as my other pieces or not cause the page counter is measured differently on that one. i’ll try it out like this for a while and next chapter will probably be some steamy gintoki office action and actual full smut instead of teasing (i hope)
> 
> also i didnt want to merge this into the main smut chapter like i was going to but i want to split it so you get the feel that this happened over the course of a few days not all in one go
> 
> happy reading! hope you enjoy <3

The pristine white tiled walls shone with a dull sheen as packed droplets of water gingerly danced on the surface. The glassy privacy window in the bathroom that was already blurry to begin with was then fogged out completely in a mesmerising sheen of ashen white. It was clear from the high rising steam and beads of condensation of tiles and shower walls that Hijikata loved bathing in hot water. One might’ve even said that it was almost hot like hell itself.

The raven-haired man let out a pleasant hum, slicking his hair back effortlessly with his hand before applying a generous lather of baby blue shampoo. A low groan emitted from his lips and his eyes fluttered shut as he tilted his head back lightly, massaging his slender fingertips into his scalp. 

For some reason, he could faintly envision someone else doing it for him. Someone else washing his hair. Of course, it would’ve always been those silver waves that done the job-

Wait, what? 

Hijikata visibly shivered, goosebumps wracking his entire body as he lightly shook his head side to side in order to throw the imagery out of the window. 

If anything, the thought slightly irritated him.

“Why the hell am I thinking of that idiot at a time like this? Good grief.” He sighed, sliding his eyelids open as he stepped underneath the running water.

As he hung his head to allow the water to cascade down his neck and off of his toned back- an obnoxious notification went off from his phone which also paused his music every time the haptic went off. He cursed himself underneath his breath for not turning his phone onto silent.

Whoever bothered him ceased to exist temporarily as the notifications stopped. Hijikata let out a small chuckle and turned to scrub the excess shampoo out of his head. As he done so, the notification turned into a ringing phone call.

When the sound resonated throughout his body so deeply that he resented it, he couldn’t bare to listen to the tone ring for another second. 

Hijikata swang the shower door open, peeking his built torso out as his still damp hand coated the electronic device. Without checking who was calling, he accepted the call and brought it up to his ear.

“Hello-“ “What the hell are you doing? Did you really go to Niagara Falls without me?” Gintoki snorted from the other side of the line.

“Fuck off! I’m in the middle of a damn shower you perver- Why the hell are you trying to FaceTime me!? As soon as I said shower! You’re trying to see me naked! Admit it! You are-“ 

“Whoops, my finger slipped.”

“Shut up!” Hijikata roared down the phone, jamming his thumb to end the call as he felt an overwhelming amount of blush creep up onto his cheeks. 

Even without having to put the phone down, Gintoki dialled again. 

“What the hell do you even want from me? Don’t you have pets to save?”

“Save? What? Why do people always think we’re only good for helping your pets out when they get run over by a car?”

“No one said that! Answer the question, perm head!”

“Besides, aren’t you supposed to be the one saving people? You are the law, right officer?”

“Don’t call me an officer. Why did you call me?”

“Don’t stress the little details, sir.”

“Sir? That’s even worse!”

“Yeah? I thought it was pretty hot.” Gintoki hummed, his voice dropping a few octaves as he breathed down the line. Something about the way Gintoki drawled the sentence made Hijikata’s heart hitch into his throat and his stomach churn when the familiar flame licked at the depths of his abdomen like wildfire. His knees threatened to buckle right there and then, and he felt his wrist slightly shake.

“Asshole.” Hijikata growled, turning his phone off as he carelessly tossed it aside back onto the counter. Stepping back inside the shower, he clumsily threw the door shut.

With his heart thundering in his ears, Hijikata leaned his right hand against the wall of the tiled shower for support whilst he stared down into the drain to help steady himself.

He groaned when he felt the all-too familiar shot of blood pool around his lower region. Hijikata gritted his teeth, screwing his eyes shut as he felt his member harden against him. His cock stood proud, tip glistening from the water and flushed pink with a painful twitch when he tried to ignore his emergency. 

Failing miserably, he adjusted his right hand against the tiles to lay his palm flat whilst his left hand curled around his cock. A soft moan ghosted Hijikata’s lips as he stroked his veiny length, twisting his wrist at his head for added pleasure. 

Hijikata’s eyes fluttered shut as he began envisioning a bundle of silver waves again. He was the man responsible for his current state, after all.

Hijikata fantasised over how Gintoki would handle him- if his touches were gentle and calculated despite his endless teasing and torment or if he would pound his cock so deeply inside Hijikata until his mind was solely filled with Gintoki himself. He disliked the man with a passion. Perhaps disliked was too harsh, but he found him incredibly annoying- yet couldn’t stop panting and letting out little wanton moans at the thought of him being split open by Gintoki. Maybe it was his crimson gaze or the deep murmur that Hijikata kept repeating in his head, but he even audibly moaned out Gintoki’s name.

The sound of Hijikata’s balls slapping against him as he fisted his cock and his broken moans were enough to send him and Gintoki over the edge. Gintoki’s jaw fell slack, his entire body running rigid as his orgasm licked him like a sudden flash flood. A blur of hot white coated his abdomen and right hand whilst Hijikata aimed his seed down into the drain.

Gintoki let out a low chuckle from the depths of his chest. Despite his recent climax, his pupils were blown over with lust- his silver hair still clinging to his forehead in clumps out of his perspiration. Maybe it was the whole situation of Gintoki listening to Hijikata moan his name whilst he masturbated that he found endearing, or the fact that he was still at work and fully clothed save for his thick cock sticking out through the zipper of his work pants.

“I look forward to hearing you in person.” Gintoki hummed down the line, ending the phone call as soon as he said it.

At that particular moment, Hijikata’s entire body ran cold.

He remembers ending the call. He definitely ended it. One hundred percent, he ended it.

Hijikata scrambled to his phone, picking it back up and dialling Gintoki. The bastard didn’t even pick up. 

Throwing a towel around his waist, his hands shook as he typed out a message.

(t/n, mayofreak is gintoki’s contact name for hijikata. depending on the scene and who’s talking / the main focus it’ll be their version so hijikata has his own nick for gintoki) 

**mayonnaiserules - 14:02**  
Pick up the phone you goddamn bastard. I’ll slit your throat.

 **mayonnaiserules - 14:02**  
How much did you hear?

 **mayonnaiserules - 14:02**  
Why the hell didn’t you say anything sooner?

 **strbfreak - 14:03**  
loud and clear :)

 **strbfreak - 14:03**  
maybe i’ll moan for u next time

 **strbfreak - 14:04**  
dnt worry ur secret is safe w me 

**strbfreak - 14:04**  
n i gtg im at work lol. ur friend just came in w his chihuahua 

Hijikata let out a shaky exhale, slightly laughing. He wasn’t sure if he could trust the silver haired man entirely, but he kept re-reading that one message he sent.

_”maybe i’ll moan for you next time”_

“So there’s a next time, huh?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> may or may not have indulged myself and got books 22-31 of attack on titan as an early birthday present so now im just.. crying at eren in a bun because hes,,, kinda hot... 😳😳
> 
> why am i like this,, this shouldn’t even be attractive but it is..
> 
> feel free to leave feedback! comments are always appreciated <3
> 
> here’s the link to my tumblr if you’re interested in the christmas prompts :]
> 
> [purifiedwaterr_100Percentt](https://purifiedwaterr-100percentt.tumblr.com/)

**Author's Note:**

> i recently got tumblr and decided to make a groupchat for everyone who just wants to gush about their favourite anime w/out restraint, feel free to join if you have an account !
> 
> https://www.tumblr.com/chat/mErKhRiW9MrFAduk-fBh-g/4am-shenanigans-nd-anime


End file.
